Thug$ cry.

Ashley.

now that this shit happened with Christian I feel like I gotta stay around at all times. I Remember when me and him was havin a conversation and he like "yo if I eva die please don't cry.  You too strong for that" . He use to always tell me that and I use to get all mad and shit because I hate when people talk about death. Like my father use to always talk about how it was people afta him and how he had a feeling he was gone die or something , i neva respected peoples thoughts when it came to them dyin. Christian my baby though  , not only was I afraid of losing him but I was afraid Cali would grow up without the man she loves the most. It broke me , i had to lie to my daughter and tell her that her daddy went on a vacation but really he was gone foreva. Its crazy. But he's my baby though , when he up in this hospital ima be right by his side. I aint bring cali up hea cause he dont want her to see him like this. Im pullin up to the hospital as we speak. I got out my car , locked the doors and walked to christian's room. When i got in there he was starin at the ceiling. "Yo" i said and he looked at me and smiled. "Wassup ." He said as i walked over and sat in the chair next to his bed. "Damn no kiss no nothin huh?" He asked with a smile. I stood up and kissed his lips but he deepened the kiss. I smirked and pulled away. "Cant wait til i get outta here" he said bitin his bottom lip. "Me neither" i said and he laughed and sat up. He sighed and looked at me . "Anyways wassup witchu? How you feel?" He asked. "No more morning sickness , thank god." I said and he nodded. "Thats wassup" he said grabbin my hand. He leaned back and looked back up at the ceiling. "But wassup witchu doe slime? How you doin? " I asked and he shrugged. "Im here , im alive. You feel me? I can't complain though" he said and i nodded. "But um, i get outta here in like 2 weeks. I aint gone be able to drive so you gone come through?" He asked. "Yessir" i said.  "Thanks" he said and i stared at him. "What you thinkin bout" i asked and he looked at me and sighed. "You , cali , us... life" he said. "BE specific nigga" i said and he laughed. "Aight cornball. But nah , just silently thankin god for all the stuff he did for me you know? I almost , well i did lose my life and he was willing to give me another chance to do right. All these signs he been givin me but i was too blind and stupid to see" he said and i stayed quiet cause he wasnt done. "And about us and cali , i dont know where i would be without yall. You and cali are my life , well my kids are my life. Shit would not be the same without yall. People prolly like oh shit christian got a daughter and two more kids on the way but oh well man when i say yall is my life i mean it. When i was drivin to the hospital all i thought about was yall . Shit i thought about everybody , even. Ciara.  I decided to let that shit between us go,  life too short.  Believe me. But I love you ashley" he said. "Why you gotta be so serious dawg?  But I love you too" I said and he laughed. "Yeah aight.  Come lay wit a nigga doe." He said and I climbed into the bed and laid my head on chest. "Aye I gotta question ma" he said.  "Shoot" . "Why the hell you gotta wear black all the time.  Like damn where some color for the boy." He said laughing. I looked down at myself and I had on all black. I had on black skinnys , my black northface zip-up,  black northface hat and my gamma blues. "I'm sorry.  Black just fit me" I said.  "It's aight.  You make black look good fasho" he said smacking my butt. "And those jeans" he said and I laughed. "But nah.  When I get outta here I want you to move in wit me" he said. "I was thinking the same thing. I feel like I gotta be around more." I said and he nodded while rubbing my back. "Yeah.  That a be coo." He said and I nodded. Rest of the time we just sat and talked about us until he fell asleep on me.