America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 2)

Episode 34: Mickey Moo & Minnie Moo

California was chilling at her beach house—reading a gossip magazine while drinking some boba—when her relaxing afternoon was interrupted by the doorbell. "Who is it?" She opened the door.

"Hello!" Maine smiled at her doorstep.

"Oh, hey. It's Lobster Dude." She pretended to act surprised with excitement. "What brings you here?"

"I've come to show you something you may be interested in."

"Ooh. Is it a Prada handbag? A LaserDisc of My Neighbor Totoro? A hottie?" Her eyes sparkled like a pair of sapphires.

"Uh, no. It's neither of those things."

"Then, what?"

"It's a cow—"

She closed the door on her. "Not interested."

"Ah! Hey! Hear me out for a moment!"

"Dude, just because I have the most dairy cows among the states doesn't mean I'll go gaga for them like Cheese Dude. If you wanna talk cows, go to her instead."

"This cow has a Mickey Mouse emblem."

California slammed open the door and shoved a fistful of cash at her face. "Shut up and take my money!"

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A couple of years had passed since California bought Mickey Moo from Maine. She had the cow live out her days at Disneyland where she became popular among guests there. As far as she knew, it was money well spent. There would never be another cow with unique markings like that for decades.

Ding-dong!

Or, so she thought.

"Hello!" Minnesota greeted her, accompanied by a black and white cow whose markings along its left flank resembled a famous mouse from Disney cartoons and animated films.

"Oh, hey. It's Hockey Dude. And she also has a cow to sell..." California didn't attempt to hide her lackluster tone. "Is Cheese Dude, like, unavailable or something?"

"You mean Wisconsin? She already has plenty of cows to care for. I figure I turn to you since I heard you bought a cow from Maine." She maintained her sweet smile.

She sighed, "Sorry, dude. I'm not interested in buying another cow."

"Are you sure? She's a sweetheart with a mild temperament." She stroked the side of the cow's neck.

California frowned at the cow's sparkling eyes. "That's nice and all, but I already have a cow with a Mickey Mouse marking. I don't have any reason to buy two of the same thing, you know?"

"Oh... Well, it's still nice to see you again. Thanks for hearing me out at least. I won't waste any more of your time..." Minnesota and the cow slowly turned around, walking away in small steps. She made an audible sigh filled with disappointment, "I guess the only home she's destined for is the slaughterhouse."

"Did you say slaughterhouse?"

She and the cow stopped walking, looking back at the confused Californian. "Um, yes. She's not a good milk producer, so there aren't many farmers willing to buy her. Since you don't want to buy her, she'll be heading to the slaughterhouse as her owner originally intended." She gave the cow some gentle head rubs. "It's okay. Holstein Heaven won't fault you for your poor milk-producing qualities."

"Moo-hoo..." the cow sadly mooed.

"I know you're scared, but things will be okay. It'll all be okay. Boohoo..." she faked her sniffles.

California felt uncomfortable hearing her sniveling and those morose moos. 'What the fuck? It's just a cow, yet why do I feel like an ass? Is this Oregon's doing?' She let out a wretched groan. "Ugh, fine. Let me call Florida and see if she can take the cow to Disney World."

"Yay!" Minnesota was suddenly all smiles and sunshine again. She gave the happy-go-lucky cow a big hug. "You hear that? You're going to Disney World!"

~ Moo! ~

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome our newest resident at Walt Disney World Resort! Give it up for Minnie Moo!" Florida cheerfully announced as Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, and other Disney characters paraded the Holstein cow in front of Cinderella Castle.

While watching the park goers pet the cow, Minnesota turned to California with a smile. "Thank you so much for saving Minnie Moo from the slaughterhouse. That's very nice of you to do."

California didn't hear her compliment, focused on hating Florida with her unenthusiasm. 'Disneyland is so much better...'

"Hey, guys!" Iowa appeared before them in a wonderful mood. "Nice to see everyone enjoying themselves."

"Pig Dude? What are you doing here?" California questioned. "You should've gone to Disneyland instead."

"Does it matter?"

"Absolutely!"

He scratched the side of his head. "Well, maybe next time. I only came here because Minnesota told me you would be here, and I thought it would be easier to come to you." Two pigs with Mickey Mouse markings trotted up behind him.

She stared at the pigs in disbelief. "Does everybody have animals with Mickey Mouse markings? Aren't Mickey Mouse markings supposed to be rare?"

"If you're interested, I can sweeten this deal with this potato I found." He presented a Mickey Mouse-shaped spud.

She huffed, "No way. I'm not gonna waste money on pigs and a lousy potato just because they're shaped like Mickey Mouse."

"But I will!" Florida appeared with bundles of cash.

"Deal!" Iowa handed her the spud in exchange for the money.

She laughed, "Another reason why Disney World is better."

"Not in a billion years! This place is still overrated as hell!" California pouted.

~ Hetalia! ~

Hey, hey, daddy, do you want milk?
Hey, hey, mommy, hey, hey, mommy!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Lutefisk I ate so long ago!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
I'm Minnesota!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Gopher State!

Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
Let's all live long and healthy lives!
Minnesota!

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+ In 1988, the Disney Company bought a white Holstein cow with a black Mickey Mouse head silhouette marking on her side from a farm in Maine. Named after her unique marking, Mickey Moo was introduced to guests at Disneyland during Mickey's 60th birthday celebration, becoming a popular attraction. The Disney Company would later make a similar purchase in 1990. Minnie Moo—a poor milk-producing cow from Minnesota with the same type of Mickey Mouse marking—was saved from the slaughterhouse and sent to her new home at Disney World where she became popular among visitors. After the purchase of Minnie Moo, the Disney Company received an influx of offers for various animals that had Mickey Mouse markings, ranging from pigs to dogs to even inanimate objects like potatoes.

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