Something between Us

Chapter 14.

The drive to school consists of Lola filling me in about a girl she met online, I cringe at the idea of online dating.
But she seems happy, and I quickly snap out of my judgement when I realise she's enjoying herself. As long as she's happy that's all that matters.
I kissed someone who isn't my boyfriend, I have no right to sit on my high horse as it is.
"When you going to meet her in person?" I ask excitedly.
Lola shrugs, "we planned to meet at the weekend, but we'll see."
I know she's trying to play it cool, she doesn't want to give off the excited vibe right now.
"You know me Al, someone might catch my eye before Saturday." We laugh at how true that actually is.
The closer we get to High School the more I'm filled with dread, I'm not ready to face Tate today. Lola must sense my discomfort, she switches off the music playing from her phone in the background.
"You okay?" She knows I'm not. 
"Yes," I lie pulling into my parking spot, there's barely any cars in the lot we must be early.
"Sure as hell you are," I can sense there's a catty comment sitting on her tongue.
 I turn to face her my eyes glazed and puffy.
"Oh my god Ally, what's wrong?" Her face is full of concern.
 I feel sick, I don't deserve any sympathy.
"Please don't look at me like that Lo. I can't take it," I stiffen a sob.
She places her hand on my shoulder her face white.
"You're worrying me, talk to me."
I can't even bring myself to speak, I don't even know myself what happened.
"Lola, please I don't wan-"
"you're telling me now Ally, we're fifteen minutes early. There's time." Lola tells me, looking at her watch. 

I just want the ground to swallow me whole, I want this heap of tin to teleport me to a made up universe where I don't have to deal with stupid High School bullshit. That I caused myself.

"I slept with Chase."
The words are out before I work out how to word them properly.
Lola's pupils dilate. "You did what" my outburst has left her dumbfounded.
 "It happened just before Junior year," I tell her and I see the realisation hit.
 "You mean he was your first?" Lola asks sympathetically and I watch as she puts all the puzzle pieces together.
The nights I cried into Lola's arms after Chase blocked me from his life finally make sense to my grey eyed friend.
She could never understand how the end of a friendship could cause me so much heart ache. She new I had feelings for him, I think everyone did, but Lola always knew there was more than met the eye.
She was always so confused as to what happened between us, that was always one story I was never willing to share. 
"It's more than that," I tell her, finally needing to let go of this burden weighing heavy on my heart.
"We always had deeper feelings for each other. More than friendship."
I'm mortified I'm even sharing this, but I know I need to.
"There were moments I knew we wanted to kiss each other," I tell her.
 "Moments we held each others hand or looked a little longer than usual into each others eyes." I know how ridiculous this will soun to Lola.
"We had this magical summer together the summer before Junior year. We literally spent every second together," I sigh at the blissful memories. 
"Something was changing between us, we'd shared a few kisses over the summer, but we always laughed it off." I tell her thinking back we were so naïve. 
"When the summer was coming to an end days before Junior year, we slept together." I sob. 
 I can't believe I've finally admitted it. 
"It wasn't just sex," I make sure Lola knows this.
"We finally admitted how we felt and told each other we loved each other," I smile thinking back on his nervous touch.
"Then he pretended I didn't exist. He acted like it never happened and there was nothing between us" I sob.
"I went from believing me and my best friend had fallen in love with each other, to finding out I meant nothing to him." It was time I told Lola the truth, and it feels good to finally share some of the past with her.
"I was embarrassed. The first day of Junior year he stood at my lockers and right in front of me he kissed Ellie Rawns."
"Ally, it't okay, that was a long time ago, I get it. Everything makes sense."
I shake my head repeatedly, "no, it's not okay, I kissed him Lola, last night. I would have taken it further too..." I finally admit.
"Shush Ally it's going to be alright," I appreciate Lola trying to comfort me.
"Maybe that's what you needed, to get Chase out of your system," I don't say anything.
I know there's more to it than that, but I choose not to say anything.
"Chase hurt you, bad." Lola tells me.
"You never got closure, you literally gave the guy your virginity, you were in love with him. I get it.."
She hugs me tight and I feel the wait of the world lifting from my shoulders.
"Just focus on the project and getting through Senior year. Forget about boys for now and focus on yourself."
It's warming to know I have a friend like Lola, she never judges, she never gossips, she listens and listens until you don't want her to listen anymore.