Something between Us

Chapter 45.

I went everywhere I thought Chase would go, from my old dance studio, to the playground we visited as kids. I even hiked up the mountain were we shared or first time. Nothing, he was nowhere in sight and I was getting stuck for options and it was getting late and my mom worries more than ever now when I'm late. 
If Chase has had enough of this back and forth he's made it clear as day tonight. But I can't blame him. I run away first every time, I can't expect him to chase me anymore it's not fair on him.

"Hey sweetie, how was school?" My mom doesn't seem pissed that I'm late, which surprises me completely, since my stay in the hospital my mom cancelled all work related travel trips and if I'm not home on time or forget to text first she scolds me. Tonight she seems calm. 
"It was okay," I tell her warily.
"I need to head out I need to pick up some files from my office I'll be an hour. Food is in the fridge it just needs warming up."
Wow, is this what freedom feels like? Is she finally backing off and loosening the reigns a little again. 
I haven't been left home alone for more than ten minuet at a time these days. It feels good to know I'm earning that trust back.
"To be honest mom I'm just going to head to bed," 
Shit I shouldn't have said that, not she's going to worry. 
"Do you need me to stay home?" She ask immediately. 
"No no no Mom seriously. I appreciate the bit of trust." I smile meaning it.
"Today's just been a long day that's all." I reassure her, it's slightly frustrating that I'm trying so hard to be okay an getting better but the issue of trust still occurs.
I suppose I can't be so angry about that. My mom takes a look at me and nods, she knows as well as I do part of this is her letting go again and giving me back some freedom bit at a time. 
She now lets me drive myself to and from school but some of my own company every once in a while would be amazing. 
"You're so right sweetie. Okay I'm going..." 
She kisses my forehead, and looks back twice as if for permission to leave. 
I tell her three more times that I'm fine and she's completely okay to go, it's an hour. Mom finally agrees and gives me the space I've been craving. 
My mom has gone from regular conferences and overtime mixed with overnight work stays to working set hours and taking overtime home. I need this hour alone. 

The house is quiet, no one hundred and one questions about my day, how I'm feeling and what plans are for the evening, the week, the month and the year. 
I heat up some left over pasta sitting on the kitchen counter as I eat enjoying my next taste of freedom. 
It's already been an hour since my mom left for her office when she's not back promptly I find myself hoping she's been side tracked to give me extra time myself. 
We have a rule now though, we text if we won't be home when we say we will and if we're in danger our code word is Night Night. Simple and effective, if we ever say goodnight we always say sweet dreams. So we'll always notice the difference. 
Sorry hun, I got talking with Christine in the office I'll be later than I planned is everything okay at home? 
I know my mom's going to be annoyed with herself for not coming home when she said, but this finally feels like normal life and I'm glad for it. 
Don't worry mom, I've just ate and had a shower, sweet dreams.

*********

My mouth drops open when I emerge from the main bathroom and enter my bedroom, that should be empty. 
"Chase.." I'm stood in a white towel across my body and my washed hair is covered with a smaller white towel to dry my damp her.
It's amazing how desperate I was to find him and now he's stood in front of me while I'm looking like this I just want the ground to swallow me whole.
"Hey," he smiles his half smile and for a moment all I want to do is kiss him, everything I planned to say to him has evaporated from my thoughts. 
"Chase I-" I'm trying to find the words but they're lost. 
He stalks closer to me, his hair is messy his hands are in the pockets of his skinny black jeans, how can someone look so cool but so nervous at the same time. 
"Let me talk," he urges, "please just listen to me."
I feel like I always do the talking, I'm always the one to push for closure to start the heavy talks and to be frank I'm sick of the sound of my own winy voice. But Chase said all he needed to in those videos, I need to tell him I feel the same way.
"I love you Ally and I don't want to graduate from this place and everything between us be this up in the air."  - "Chase-" 
"Let me finish before you kick me out of here... I know we're messed up and we drive each other crazy. I should have held you close and told you I'd never let anyone hurt you. I shouldn't have looked at you like you failed me. I know what it's like Al... I realised when I punch things I do it to hurt my knuckles to take the pain from my mind away and focus it somewhere else."
I walk closer to Chase, I want to interrupt him but there's clearly so much he needs to get off his chest.
"I want to be with you for everything. The good times, the ugly and the wild. I don't want to be you saviour, I get that you can do that for yourself and I'm so fucking proud of that." I can't help but smile at his sweet confession.
"I don't want you to belong to me, I want you to be the person I experience life with, every part and I want you to trust me that you can lean on me. I know you don't need me Al. But please, want me?"
I close the distance between us and as I always do I take the boys face in my hands. 
"You're my soul mate Chase."
I know it's a bold statement to make, but every fibre of my being knows this to be true, I've always felt it. But hear Lola say it today confirmed I'm not delusional and this is real.
"I don't want want to regret the chances we didn't take," Chase and Lola have so had the same conversation she and I had.
Chase doesn't let me say another word, he crashes his lips onto mine like an addict finally getting their fix. 
I'm addicted to the way Chase captivates me whole body. I'm obsessed with his scent, his smile and his touch. Every part of me aches for Chase, ever inch of my body long to be touched by him. 
"Are you ready to be my Al again?"
Chase asks me, he's breathless from our kiss, his breathing matches mine.
"I never stopped being yours Chase. Not for one second."
In seconds his lips are back on mine and bod muscular body is pushing me against the wall.
I'm intoxicated by him, every kiss every brush of his tongue against my skin is sending electricity throughout my whole body.
"I love you Chase," my voice is hushed, this moment is ours and ours only.
"I love you.. always." 
At that I wrap my legs around his torso as he leads me to the bed. Everything I've ever wanted I finally feel like I'm getting. 
I wanted to be strong enough to love myself whilst being brave enough to let this boy in
completely. 

"So college in New York huh?" I smile into his bare chest, his breathing is heavy and I feel a light chuckle beneath me. 
"As long as that's where you're heading baby." 
I yelp in excitement, the thought of college would terrify me more if it meant leaving without Chase, but here we are still following the same path we always planned. Dance major and music major take New York.
I throw my body over him and kiss him excitedly, I don't know where the future is going to take us but for the first I'm I have never felt more excited to follow the journey. 
Tomorrow isn't promised so I refuse to spend a second of my life wasting any time. 
I choose myself. I choose Chase and I choose happiness.