Lights turn bright and everyone starts getting ready.
Cameras turn on, and the director signals the actors to act serious.
And in 3, 2, 1...
Action!
"Acting isn't faking who you really are you know."
"I know, since the feelings I have for you is th...
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Those words, just kept on bothering me. Never in my life I expect someone to say something like that to me.
But I think, he's right. I am selfish and also ignorant, me myself knew that the crew is having a hard time after losing a lead actor and here I am thinking that they could easily find a solution.
Leaving is not what I wanted, yet after knowing the truth, I knew that I should stop acting. It might be even a sign that I should put an end to what I was currently doing. Now, I regret everything I did, I should've forgot what happened and just carry on.
I'm walking with a tray in my hand with an empty glass on it, I'm back working in this bar as a waiter since this the only thing I got to earn money. Yet I was in deep thought that I didn't notice someone in front of me, making me bump on him.
When the glass shattered on the floor, I went back to my senses and apologise to the customer. Even after I apologise, he didn't give a shit and grab my collar, "Do your fucking job right." He said.
Usually, I just leave people like him but what he said made me offended and since I'm stressed, I punch him the face. He stumble a bit but obviously he's a guy who doesn't want to lose a fight, so he punch me back and after a few more blows, the whole bar became a fiasco.
And everyone stop when we heard sirens from a police car.
Right after that, I wasn't thinking straight and everything that happened just faded in my mind. So I didn't expect that we're already back in the apartment. I settle myself down on the couch. Flynn took an emergency kit and sit next to me.
"You should be thankful that I help you with our boss, if I left you with him you could've lose your job." Flynn said and start treating my bruises.
Flynn was the one who called the police, that's why he's the only one inside the bar who doesn't have any bruise since he waited outside and as he said, he help me explain to the boss the whole scenario.
"I didn't even know what I did." I said looking at my hands that are swelling. Flynn sigh and stop his actions, "It seems like you're having some difficulty after you and that guy name Klaude talk. Did he said something that made you bothered?" He ask which made me raise my right eyebrow.
"Weren't you here when he came?" I ask him and he shook his head as a response. I literally thought that he knew what's happening to me. "It was nothing, so don't worry about it." I answered his question earlier and after I said the word, I smile. Assuring him that I'm ok.
He then continue what he's doing and the room went quiet. All my energy drained because of the fight earlier so it didn't took long when I doze off.
...
After I woke up, I did my morning routine and went straight to the flower shop, I was planning to do this for a long time and I think that this day is best moment to go there. I bought a bouquet of different varieties of flowers since I don't know his preference.
The flowers are kinda expensive but I didn't worry about it much since this is for someone who I really want to see at this point. I take a taxi and head to the address that I ask him to go.
After a few turns, I'm here. I payed the taxi and left the car. I breathe the fresh air and let the sunlight sit on my body.
I start walking inside the gate. I went to a place where the only tree stands, and when I got there I look at the headstone which is where my father's name is written.
I place the bouquet in front of the headstone and kneel in front it while slowly smile, "I'm sorry dad if I don't visit daily. Things are getting rough lately."
When my father is still alive, I really never thought about visiting him like this early. If only I found a job right away, I could've help mom pay the medical bills. Seeing him passing away slowly just makes my heart clench.
"Dad... I'm sorry," after saying those words, I break into tears.
"I'm sorry, if I failed to do what I promise. It was just a few more steps and both of our dreams would've come true but it seems like the world is stopping me to keep on." I said and wipe my tears away.
"And now, I decided to choose a different path, forgive me dad... but I can't do it anymore." I stood up and look at the headstone once more. And before I go I said, "I love you dad." Just right after that, I start walking away. I wanted to stay longer but my mom comes here most of the time, and I don't want her to see me with my teary eyes and a face full of bruises.
I might not be busy every time she comes here but every time I see this, it reminds me of how stupid I was back then who is doing nothing even if my father is in a critical condition.
So this is it, now that I have already told my father, I think there is nothing else I can do but to continue living like this. I can't believe that I'm giving up. I'm just really tired of acting. If during the shoot already made me loose my mind, what more if I'm already expose to the world.
