If I Were Allowed To Love You

Forty-Nine

"It's a simple procedure," Doctor Thompson explained, "but there is a possibility that you may never be able to see again."

"Is it a one-time try only."

"Well, it could be one of two things. Either the eyes don't accept the procedure and you'd need to retry with another pair, or your body is rejecting the new eyes and won't work."

"But there is a chance I could see again?"

"There most certainly is." She squeezed Melissa's hand and smiled. "Would you like me to get the paperwork started?"

"You can, but I still want someone to read over it all for me."

"We'll get someone to-"

"No, someone I know and trust. It's nothing against you, it's the way I was raised, you know? My dad always said to read the fine print yourself, and if I can't, I'd rather someone I personally know be the one to do it for me."

"Of course," Doctor Thompson said. "Would you like us to call someone for you?"

The moment Ryan received the call from the doctor's office, he instantly assumed the worst. If Melissa wanted to see him, he thought she'd call him herself. When the receptionist explained the reasoning for coming over, he remembered that she didn't have her phone on her, nor the ability to call him herself.

He was touched that she asked him to come over to read over the guidelines of the procedure and the fine print. She could have asked Lucas for help, but she asked for him. He assumed that had to be a good sign. Maybe she was ready to forgive him. But he understood that it did take time. All he hoped was that she wouldn't reject him. Lucas refused to say anything when he exited her room, claiming she wanted to be the one to talk to him when she was ready to. If she was taking a simple breather, he understood. Lucas didn't come out and guilt him, so Ryan assumed that had to mean something good.

After reading over the papers, he received his visitor's badge and walked down the hall to Melissa's room. Ryan knocked softly on the door, finding Doctor Thompson inside checking Melissa's eye holes. She wrote something on her clipboard before looking up at him through the window on the door. She said something to Melissa, who nodded. Doctor Thompson opened the door and allowed him to enter before she left the room.

Ryan walked up to Melissa. He thought about grabbing her hand, but he chose not to as he sat down beside her. Melissa kept her head facing him as she waited for him to say something. When he didn't say anything, she held out her hand to him. He quickly took it in his own and smiled before kissing her palm.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired," she responded. "It's hard to sleep in here."

"Because you're sleeping on your back?"

She chuckled and nodded. "Yes. My back is killing me."

Helping Melissa sit up, she sat crisscross on the bed as Ryan sat on the end, still holding her hand. She began to play with his fingers, smiling to herself as she faced forward. He knew she wasn't looking at him, but she was facing him. She could feel his eyes beading into her. He was waiting for her to start their conversation, but she wasn't sure how to begin. She felt she should bring up the obvious.

"I'm not going to reject you."

She could feel the relief radiate off Ryan as his hands clenched hers, and he brought them up to his lips. "I love-"

"Don't say that right now."

"Okay," he whispered.

"It's not that I don't want you to not say it, it's just not the right time."

"Okay." He patted her hand and said, "So, you're going through with the surgery?"

"If there's a chance to see again, I want to take it."

"I understand."

"It's because I don't want to say goodbye to the circus."

Melissa felt Ryan tense beside her, but he didn't say anything. "Oh."

"It's been part of my life for seven years. I never thought I was going to find something I would enjoy doing. I was given my gift for a reason, and there's nothing else I can do with it to make a living."

"Besides gambling."

She snorted. "Yes, besides gambling. They're my family, and I love my job. I don't want to stop."

"You shouldn't have to," he whispered.

"But I don't want to be away from you either," she stated, and he glanced up at her. "I just found out you're my mate. I shouldn't be leaving all of a sudden and be on tour for nine months. I want to spend time with you and get to know you as my mate and not just a friend. I don't want to lose you or them. I don't want to choose. I don't know what to choose."

Placing his hand on her knee, he ran his thumb along her skin as he softly asked, "What if I came with you?"

"Really?" There wasn't any excitement in her voice. She was far more confused than anything.

"Yeah."

"But you love your job."

"I love you more."

"Ryan-"

"I'm willing to step down and be on the road with you."

"It's not that simple. We wouldn't be spending a lot of time together. I spend twelve hours a day training, eight sleeping, and the rest being too exhausted to want to do anything. I only have energy when we have multiple days off in a row, and those don't happen too often."

"Are you not wanting me to come because you think I'm going to be bored or because you're afraid you won't have time for me?"

"Both."

"I'm sure I can find something to do with my time."

"I just don't want to put you through this lifestyle. I love it because I chose to join. You're joining for me, but I'm not always available."

"Then I'll visit you multiple times a year."

"But-"

"My mom lives in Europe to sing. My dad is constantly touring with other bands. It makes the time they have together that much more special. We don't always need to be together to be happy. I can stay here and work and then come visit you multiple times a year for extended amounts of time."

"At that point you should just move in with us."

"Well, if you insist," he smirked.

"Ryan!" she laughed.

"I'm serious, Melissa. I want to be with you. I love you so much, and I have no issue with stepping down if it means I can be with you." He stared at her, noticing all the conflict on her face. "My boredom isn't the real reason you don't want me to come, is it?"

Melissa remained silent.

"You're still upset about me lying."

"I'm scared to be with you," she corrected. "I've met my soulmate- My actual soulmate. You're never going to leave me. You're going to love me for all eternity. It's scary to realize how forever starts today."

"I'm scared, too."

She perked up. "Really?"

"Terrified. I've wanted to be with you since the moment I met you. Now I finally get to, and I'm terrified I'm going to screw it all up again. I don't want to fuck this up, because I love you so much. You are the love of my life, and I don't want to lose you again. I lost you for seven years, because I didn't tell you the truth. And then I almost lost you again to Lucas and to those fucking hunters- But now I can be with you. I'm not letting go of you if I can help it. I will love you forever if you let me." He leaned in close to her lips and whispered, "Can I please prove it to you?"

"I don't know," she smirked, "can you?"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "May I prove it to you?"

"You may," she murmured, leaning up to properly kiss him on the lips.

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