If I Were Allowed To Love You

Thirty-One

Lucas kissed Melissa goodbye as she exited the house with Ryan, both on their way to the library for the day. Ever since the charity event two weeks ago, he began to wonder if he was being faithful to Melissa through thinking jealous thoughts about another person. He loved Melissa, he knew he did. All he wanted was to love her and cherish her for eternity. But so long as he was jealous over the idea of Ross and Theo becoming companions, he wondered if that meant he was emotionally cheating on her.

He knew he didn't have the desire to be with Theo, but there were thoughts flashing in his mind. It was as though the future was sending little signals of what could be if the two were to settle for one another. Lucas knew he wasn't Theo's mate. If anything were to happen between them, he would merely be Theo's rebound. But he didn't mind being a rebound to Theo. He quite enjoyed the thought of it.

But he was with Melissa. She was his fiancée, and no matter what, they were going to get married and have a happy life together. There was no room for him to be thinking about someone else, her best friend no less. And why be someone Theo merely settled for and treated well but never be loved completely when he could have a happy future with Melissa where she would love him endlessly?

The problem wasn't so much the fact that it was Theo he was thinking about, but rather that he was having the thoughts at all. If he was thinking about life with someone other than Melissa, did that mean he was not giving her his all? Did that mean that he was not completely devoted to her like he claimed he was? All he wanted was for her to be happy in life and to be loved by someone who would only ever love her. He made her that promise the day he told her he loved her and again when he proposed. But it seemed like he was no longer capable of being able to that. And that fear scared him the most.

"Where are we working today?" Lucas questioned as he walked out to the truck with Theo.

"The Lot. You'll meet some of my other food truck buddies."

"You must have a lot of friends in the food business."

"Technically, yes. But the majority are just in the food trucking business or the supply business."

Lucas nodded as he buckled up, and Theo began the long drive over to The Lot. They picked up on their conversation from the prior work day, discussing how the circus Lucas was in originally formed as a safe place for mystics to work and not be hunted down, because it was all considered talent rather than gifts.

The casual, friendly conversations were common between the two once again, and every day Lucas looked forward to work just so he could talk to Theo. He enjoyed baking and joking around with Theo and playfully insulting one another. But most of all, he loved how cramped their space typically was. Constantly baking in the back of the truck left the two with little space, and they would have to press against the other in order to slip by and grab whatever they needed or move to their next station. Each time Theo bumped or pressed himself against Lucas, he enjoyed the warmth and wanted him to stay nearby. There were even times when he decided to purposely press against Theo even if there was room to salvage. It didn't take long for Theo to catch on and do the same.

And as they baked in the back of the truck that day, there was plenty of pressing and bumping into one another. Lucas did feel guilty each time he did, as he knew he was cheating on Melissa, but he instantly forgot all about the damage he could be doing to her the moment he felt Theo's body press into his. He craved it like a drug, and he had no idea why. Why be the person someone would settle for rather than the person someone loved and adored? Why was he okay with being someone Theo settled for? If he was okay with settling, did that mean he had to break things off with Melissa? He didn't want to break up with her. He still loved her, but so long as the temptation tasted good, he knew it wasn't fair to stay with her when he couldn't entirely devote himself back to her.

"That's incredible," Theo gasped. "Is that part of what Melissa's thesis is on?"

"No, but I do think she's going to be writing a book on the circus's history. Sure, P. T. Barnum made the first circus, but the mythicals were the ones who evolved it into its own special hiding place. If it weren't for the circus, all us mythicals would be extinct."

"And it taught us how to blend in with humanity?"

"We had to keep our eyes out for those who were trying to kill us, prompting us to observe humans and how they behaved. And we taught ourselves to do the same, and thus, we blended in with society for when we were ready to start going back into society."

"It's incredible," Theo whimpered, "yet also really sad. We were hated back then, and we're hated now."

"It's not so bad now. We're far more accepted. The humans who have a problem with us either ignore us, accept that we're in the world and remain cautious, or they are out to kill us. Before, we'd all be bullied and killed. I think it has to do with all the equal right movements going on right now like Black Lives Matter, Pride, #MeToo. Now we have the Mythical Movement. Because everyone is wanting to be accepted, they're okay with another group of people being accepted. If it were ten years ago, I doubt any of this would happen. And I know it wouldn't happen if it were twenty years ago. A lot of people just don't care that people are different. We've accepted that the world is changing and that everyone deserves equal rights, so people don't care so much that we're out and around."

"I still wish it would end," Theo stated, and Lucas quirked an eyebrow at him. "I'm sick of constantly fighting for my life. I'm sick of this war. I don't want to keep killing people just because they hate us and are trying to kill us. I want them to leave us alone for good."

Lucas wrapped his arms around Theo's waist from behind, and buried his head in Theo's neck. "I know. Me too. I want the agony to end, but I don't know when that will happen. It may never happen. But so long as we stay strong and stand our ground, the hunters will stop. The law will change soon, and the war will end. We have mythicals working on ending it now as we speak. The hatred will be stopped."

Turning around in his arms, Theo gazed up at Lucas and wrapped his arms around his neck. "But what if it never ends?"

"Then I'll protect you." The words just came out, and though Lucas knew it wasn't right to say it, he knew with all his heart that he would do anything to save Theo. He loved him. He was his friend, and he cared for him, the same way he cared for Ryan. Yet, as Theo gazed up into his eyes, and his heart ba-bumped quickly, he understood why he would rather settle for someone else than be with the person who was devoted to him.

He leaned down, pressing his forehead against Theo's. He needed to feel the contact. He needed to feel his touch. And Theo pulled Lucas closer into his arms. And as the timer above the over beeped, Theo leaned in and kissed Lucas.

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