If I Were Allowed To Love You

Forty-Eight

Ryan pulled up a chair to the side of her bed, clasping onto her hand with both of his. He kissed her fingers, holding her hand close to his face. "I'm so sorry-"

"You didn't cause this," she stated. "It was the hunter's fault. They were the ones who decided to kidnap me and cut out my eyes. It doesn't matter what you did, because it was all their fault. So if you apologize for it, I won't accept it, because there's nothing to apologize for."

"I was going to apologize for not telling you we were mates."

"Yeah, you should apologize for that," she grumbled as she ripped her hand out of his grip. She folded her hands on her lap. "The one thing I don't get is why you wouldn't tell me after Lucas left me for Theo. It was already obvious that we still loved each other, and Theo was able to be honest about his feelings. Why couldn't you, too?"

"I was being honest when I said that I didn't think you needed to feel like you had to move on from him by being with me." He placed his hand over hers. "But I also didn't want you to love me that way. When you fell for me, I wanted it to be naturally. I wanted to tell you after you fell in love with me, because I didn't want your feelings to feel forced in order to get over Lucas or because you were supposed to be with me or whatever. I wanted our first steps in our relationship to be special because we had feelings for one another, not for any other reason. I was being selfish."

"Aren't werewolves supposed to be selfish when it comes to their mates?"

"No. We're known for being possessive, but not selfish. I was selfish, and that wasn't okay. I'm sorry for not telling you. I wish I did."

"If you did tell me, Theo may have never met his mate," she reminded him. "If you told me when I was in high school, I never would have run off with Lucas, and then he never would have come back home with me, and Theo would have been mateless. I know you had to suffer for seven years, but it was worth it in the end."

"With you being my result, it was all worth it."

"Shut up," she laughed.

"You don't believe me?"

"I believe you're being awfully cheesy right now."

He smirked. "Well, I guess I shouldn't say what I was going to say next then."

"And what's that?"

"That I love you."

Her breath stopped.

"Most ardently."

"Shut up, Mr. Darcy."

"It's true."

"I know."

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Melissa." He cupped her cheek, and she turned her head to face him. "I wish I could kill the person who did this to you."

"I already did."

"Ruthless," he whispered, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"Ryan, don't." He pulled his lips away, staring down at her frowning. "I don't need this right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I know what I feel for you, but I don't know what I'm supposed to make of it right now. You lied to me. I thought I was going to have to end up heartbroken twice in the same month and rejoin the circus to get over two men I loved. I was prepared to never come back despite loving you all because it would be too much. Two men I loved, and the one who took the first away. Why would I come back to that? Even if I did move on and married someone else, I would still feel something when I came back. How would my future spouse feel about that?"