Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 74

Trigger Warning.

Remington isn't happy when his session with Abigail is cancelled because she's ill. Without Andy here, talking to Abigail has become even more important for Remington. It's in his routine to see her twice a week and missing a session just feels wrong.

He tells Sebastian, obviously, and when he's on the phone to Andy, tells him, too. "I need to talk to her," he says into the phone, sitting in the garden with a glass of water.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Andy responds, walking around tonight's venue. "I've got some time to talk now," he offers.

Remington picks up the water. "I just feel weird," the younger explains, "living with Sebastian makes it feel like when I was stabbed and I just-I want cuddles." He pushes his sunglasses up his nose and sighs.

Andy sits on the stage. "Get Sebastian to give you cuddles," he suggests. He knows that Remington needs affection and he would love to fly home right now just to give him a hug. Touring is hard sometimes.

"I want your cuddles," the boy whines, sipping the water and watching a bird flutter around in the trees. "I can't believe you've been gone for two months. It feels like forever." There's a hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at Sebastian.

"Lunch in ten," his brother says, and Remington nods. It's comforting how Sebastian has been making him food so he doesn't have to worry about that, and Sebastian is a good cook, which helps.

The guitarist leaves him to talk to Andy and goes back inside, and Remington finishes off the water. "I'll be back before you know it," Andy says. Being apart is getting to him, too. He never thought he could miss one person so much. He misses everything, specially at night, when he's alone in a small bunk. He misses the feeling of having the sweet boy curled into him, all warm and quiet and safe.

Remington misses that too, though does have Sebastian to keep him warm in the nights where he's not coping so well. Some nights Sebastian can hear his brother crying, and gets in bed with him without saying anything, and other nights, Remington crawls under the covers with Sebastian, just wanting to have someone next to him so he doesn't feel so alone. He just wants Andy back. "Tomorrow's two years since the hotel thing," he says. He can't believe it's been two years since then. "I just-I wanted to talk about it with Abigail because I feel-just-just weird about it, and now I can't even hug you." He takes the sunglasses off and rubs his eyes. "It's just hard because-because I-I'm scared of hallucinating or something and you're not here and it just doesn't feel right."

"Oh petal, I'm sorry. You're going to alright, I know you will. I've got an off day tomorrow, princess, how about we have a video chat, yeah?" He can hear the uneasiness in Remington's voice and just wants to give him a hug.

"Okay," Remington agrees, "but I look awful."

"That's the most untrue thing I've ever heard. You always look beautiful."

After the phone call, Remington takes the glass inside with him, where Sebastian is putting food onto two plates. "Good talk?"

The boy nods. "Just feel weird about tomorrow," he says. Sebastian is aware of the significance of tomorrow, and understands that's it's triggering for Remington. Last year he hadn't slept at all the night before and spent basically the whole day crying in Andy's arms.

Sebastian puts the plates on the table. "I know, bub. You're going to be alright." He opens the cutlery draw and Remington sighs.

"That's what Andy said."

Smiling and giving his brother a fork, Sebastian sits down. "Smart man, your Andy."

Remington pulls the plate towards him. "I know," he responds, and stabs a piece of chicken. "Bub?" He questions, "since when did you call me bub?"

Sebastian shrugs. "Since now."

The younger feels okay about food today. He smiles at the thought of eating and actually enjoying it. "Well I like it," Remington says, "and I like this."

"Good."

Sebastian is so happy when his little brother finishes the chicken salad, specially since he hasn't finished meals at all for the past month. As usual, the brothers play on Andy's play station for a while after lunch so that Remington's mind is taken away from wanting to make himself sick. Remington feels surprisingly okay considering he couldn't talk to Abigail today, though is anxious about tomorrow, and about whether he's going to be able to sleep tonight. He hates how his mind can bring things to the surface just because of the fucking day. Why can't he just forget all about it ever even happening?

"Sebby?" He puts the controller down and sits back on the sofa.

"Yeah?"

Remington twists his wedding ring on his finger. He knows he's gaining weight because it's no longer so loose. He isn't sure if he likes knowing he's gaining weight. "Can you sleep with me tonight?" He feels stupid asking, like he's a child scared of the dark.

His brother just smiles. "Of course, bub," he responds, ruffling the younger's hair.

The boy glares at him. "Thank you, don't do that." He pushes Sebastian's hand away but can't stop himself from giggling.

"You let Andy do that." Sebastian returns his hand to Remington's hair and plays with it, smiling at the precious boy's quiet hum in response. No matter how much he likes to pretend he doesn't like it, really Remington can't get enough of physical affection.

The younger manoeuvres himself so he's lying across the sofa with his head in Sebastian's lap. "Andy's different," he says softly, and Sebastian hums in understanding.

"I see." It's true, he does see. Everyone sees. Remington has never felt more comfortable with anyone in his life than he feels with Andy. "You need to wash your hair."

Remington whines. "I know," he pouts.

"What's wrong? I thought you were okay with showering."

The boy frowns. "I am, but don' wanna see myself." It breaks Sebastian's heart when his brother talks like this, all small and sad. "Might-might do something." He looks up at Sebastian.

"Oh pumpkin, I'll sit in the bathroom while you have a shower, yeah?" He knows it isn't the best solution, but it's better than letting his brother puke up his lunch.

Remington nods. He sits up and stretches his arms above his head. "Thankyou."

The two go up into the bathroom and Remington strips down to his underwear, trying not to look in the mirror. He turns on the shower and waits for it to heat up, and Sebastian sits on the toilet seat with a towel in his lap. He watches his brother step under the water and makes sure not to look at him too much, as to not make him uncomfortable. Just him being there means Remington isn't able to give in to his urges. The boy washes his hair and steps out of the shower, taking the towel from Sebastian and wrapping himself in it. "Go get dressed, bub," the older says, ushering him out of the bathroom.

Remington does as he's told, dressing in Andy's hoodie and tracksuit bottoms and sitting on the bed. He pulls the hoodie over his nose and holds it against his face, closing his eyes and telling himself it's stupid to cry over missing someone. But it isn't really stupid at all, though, is it? Soon he's sobbing, and all he wants, all he needs, is for Andy to appear beside him. He looks up at Sebastian when he hears the door open. "I want Andy," he sobs, and his brother scoops him into his arms.

"I know, sweetie, it's okay," Sebastian soothes, sitting with the boy in his lap. "It's okay, deep breaths. He'll be back soon."

Shaking his head, Remington grips Sebastian. "No he won't. It's four months, Sebastian, four months! I need him now." He knew this was going to happen sooner or later; sobbing like a crazy person over missing his husband.

Sebastian understands his pain. He's no stranger to being apart from loved ones for long periods of time. "It's okay," he repeats, "you're strong. You can get through it, bub, and after four months, Andy will be home and you will most likely be given so many hugs you can't walk straight. You've just got to get through four months."

"I can't!"