Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 26

Trigger warning?

Once Remington has recovered from his illness, he's sent home, since he's freaked out by Alex and it's clear he feels better with Andy with him. He promises Dr Johnson he'll talk to Abigail twice a week and tell her as soon as he starts to feel suicidal again, even if it means phoning her up in the middle of the night. It bothers him hoe Dr Johnson says as soon as you start to feel suicidal, and not if you start to feel suicidal. But he knows the man is right. It will happen again.

Andy takes him home, stopping on the way to buy some food, since Remington hasn't been able to eat properly for a few days. The boy is just glad to be out of that place, and so relieved tour won't have to be cancelled. He doesn't care if it kills him, he won't let his fans down, not again.

"Why didn't you call me?" Andy asks out of the blue as they're eating.

Remington looks up at him. "What?"

The man sighs. "When you overdosed. Why didn't you call me?" It's been bothering him since it happened. He wonders if it's his fault, iRemington doesn't trust him. But that can't be true, because all the boy wanted these last few days for Andy to be there with him.

It's a touchy subject. Remington feels so guilty about not calling Andy. If he had then he wouldn't have gone back to that fucking hospital and he wouldn't have met Alex. "I don't know. Because I felt like a burden?" He doesn't mean for it to come out as though it's a question.

Andy frowns. "Remington, we've talked about this. If you need me, you call me. I don't give a fucking shit about the time or place or who I'm with, if you need me, call me." He sounds stern, he's aware of that. Sometimes Remington needs to be reminded of these things.

"What do you mean we've talk about this? Are you saying that I'm not fucking listening? I am! I listen to ever fucking word you fucking say!" The anger is sudden and unexpected by both of them.

The man shakes his head. "No, Remington, I just mean that you're not a a burden."

Remington laughs. "I'll believe that when Holly sends me a letter apologising for sending me fucking insane, which clearly I am if I've been in a mental hospital twice! TWICE!" He stands up and kicks the chair, storming out of the room and shouting, "fuck you Holly," as he goes. He really doesn't know why he's even angry with Andy. His brain does stupid shit all the time. Example- trusting Holly.

Andy waits a moment and then stands up and goes to find him. Remington is in the living room messing with his phone, just waiting for someone to say something. He looks up when Andy takes the device from his hands. "That's mine," he protests trying to get it back.

With a raised eyebrow, Andy holds up the phone and takes a picture of Remington covering his face. "That's mine," he says, and shows the boy the photo of him.

A smile breaks out onto Remington's face at the sweet words, and he takes his phone back. "I'm not going to apologise," he says with a pout, remembering how he's always being told not to say sorry.

Andy smiles. "Good. I don't want you to."

"I'd like to share something," Sebastian says, sitting in group rehab.

The group leader smiles. "Go on," she encourages.

With a nod, Sebastian looks at the clock on the wall before talking. "I drink because I miss my brother. He isn't dead or anything, though he nearly died. That was my fault. He moved in with his boyfriend and I miss having him around everyday. I don't know how else to deal with it." He thinks back to the day when his brothers found him drunk in the middle of the day, and how he had barely registered Remington screaming at him and slamming the front door as he left. He should have thought what it would do to him before he drank all that fucking alcohol. God, he is so selfish. "I told him I'd stop a while ago, and I didn't and he tried to kill himself because of it. So now I need to stop, for him, and for our family." He knows Remington was coming home today. Andy told him what happened, and how he's been sick for a few days, though he's better now. Well-better physically, anyway. How he's feeling mentally, who knows at this point? Sebastian has a horrible feeling that Remington lies more than they think he would, that he doesn't tell anyone what is really going on inside his head. But what can they do about that? They only know what he lets them know.

And what if what he lets them know is nothing compared to what is actually going on?

What if he's barely managing? What if every single fucking day is such a struggle and the only thing getting him through is that he can't let Holly win. If he dies, she wins. What if he isn't telling Abigail how fucking alone he feels, even with his brothers, even with Andy? What if he hasn't said a fucking word to anyone about how hard it is for him to leave the house because he hates everything about himself? What if he won't tell Andy that he can't look at himself in the mirror without crying? What if sometimes he wants to grab a knife and cut into his scar so deep that there's no way of being saved?

So what if he's barely managing?