Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 63

Andy's phone ringing wakes him up, and he leaves the room without disturbing the fast asleep boy. It's Emerson, and he answers, sitting on the top step. "Hey, Em, I'm sorry I didn't call last night. I was worried sick."

The drummer is agitated. He hardly slept. "Did he come home? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he came back sometime around three. There was a woman with him. I think she talked him out of whatever he was going to do. He's sleeping now. He looks okay." Andy glances at the bedroom door. "Emerson, I found his medication yesterday. I don't think he's been taking any for a few days. That would explain why he suddenly went downhill." He remembers how his heart dropped when he found the unused pills. The boy needs them to keep him stable, and even when he's taking them, he's still fairly unstable.

"Shit, I thought that might happen. You gotta try and persuade him to take them before he tries something."

Andy knows he's right. Remington will try something if he doesn't start taking his pills again. "I'll talk to him. I'll let you know how it goes later."

"Thank you. You're so good for him. Take care, Andy."

After the short phone call, Andy goes down and makes something for breakfast, smiling and offering a hug when Remington emerges into the room. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asks gently, handing the younger a bowl with cereal and fruit.

Remington sits down and sighs. "I don't know what happened. I was kinda in a daze. I haven't-I haven't been taking my pills."

Andy is relieved when Remington tells him. It's easier than confronting him about it. "I know, sweetheart, I found them yesterday. Why not?" He is glad to see his lover eating. He must be feeling at least okay if he's eating properly.

The boy shrugs. "Thought I was getting better," he mumbles, "thought I didn't need 'em anymore." He knows that isn't really an excuse, and he already knows Abigail is going to be disappointed in him for not taking them again. This has already happened once.

"You are getting better, princess. Just because you're on medication doesn't mean you aren't getting better. It's okay to be taking medication when you need it."

"But I don't need it," he protests, trying to convince himself as well as Andy.

The man sighs. "Yes, you do, sweetheart, and that's okay. Please take your pills today, for me? If you're up to it, you can come into the studio with me and record the backing vocals for some songs."

With some reluctance, Remington takes his medication, and goes with Andy into the studio. He isn't really sure what happened last night, but he knows Andy's right, he does need the pills. They do make him feel better. He is pretty sure he wouldn't have been so suicidal if he had just gone home to Andy after screaming at Sebastian..

Shit. Sebastian. He should apologise. It wasn't fair to shout at him for mentioning his weight when he is, after all, underweight. And it needs to be addressed, because he isn't eating as much as he should be, and though he really tries, he sometimes feels so disgusted at the thought of food, and ends up not eating at all.

Andy really tries to help, but there's only so much he can do before he's forcing the boy, and he'd never do that, not after everything Remington has been forced into in the past. He could never put him through anything like that.

In the studio, everyone is happy to see him, which is nice, and they talk him through what he's singing and where he's singing it, and he has a few practice runs on each song before recording. They're all amazed at his ability so sing so perfectly the first time around, and the praise he gets gives him hope. He can't give up on Palaye Royale yet, not when he has so much to give, not when that band is his pride and joy, even if sometimes it strips him of all pride and joy.

He can never give up on Palaye Royale, and he must forgive his fans. Even the ones who told him to kill himself. He must forgive them, too, because it's okay. He's okay.

It's odd how happy he feels today, even though he was about to jump into a river last night. The stranger who walked him home gave him hope, because she cared. She didn't leave him. She stayed with him and made sure he was safe. He has to live for her, and for everyone who would have done the same.

The more he thinks about it, the stranger it seems that he wanted to die yesterday, because now there's nothing he wants more than to stay alive. Maybe a suicide scare is what he needed to realise that it's not the answer, that people do care, that he isn't alone.

He wishes he had thanked that girl yesterday for saving him. Because she didn't just save him from ending his own life yesterday, she saved him from ever trying again. It's funny how a setback can push one forwards.

"I don't want to die," he says in the evening, "Andy, I don't want to die anymore. I thought I did yesterday, but-but I don't. I've never wanted to live more than I do now."