Aimee Farrelle Viero
This is the day I earnestly wished would never come, it still did.
I followed grandma at the back porch. Nakatayo na siya doon nang abutan ko at nakatalikod mula sa akin. I intentionally made my steps light and small, I want to buy myself some more time before facing her wrath.
My heart feels like it is being hammered. Ngayon palang ay lumulutang na ang isip ko at walang mabuong matinong salita. I can't organize my thoughts. Hindi ko na naisip na magpaliwanag dahil wala namang paliwanag na makakapag-justify kung anong nangyari at paano ako napunta sa ganitong sitwasyon. Hinanda ko na lang ang sarili sa mga sasabihin niya.
I am scared. No one can scare the hell out of me but her.
Few steps away from her at parang naramdaman niya kaagad ang presence ko gaano man katahimik ang paglakad ko. Nang bigla siyang humarap sa akin ay halos mapaatras ako at parang gusto na lang tumakbo palayo. But of course, I can't do that.
Natakot ako nang makita ko siya kanina pero doble no'n ang nararamdaman ko ngayon because this time, I'm alone. Kanina ay nasa harap ko si Caile and I felt he became my shield. His presence made me feel somehow safe. Ngayon, I feel exposed and unsafe.
Hindi ko nagawang salubungin ang paningin niya, I stared at the floor.
"Grandma."
Matunog siyang bumuntong hininga. I'm expecting her to lash out on me but it didn't happen. She spoke in her low but commanding tone.
"You will marry that guy a month from now, Syn. Not in civil, but in church. The grand, not standard. You will not be wearing a dress, but a gown. In a month, Aimee Synadelle, I want everything to happen in a month while we can still hide your condition." Bahagyang tumalim ang tono niya sa huling sinabi.
I swallowed hard.
I am torn between objecting and meekly agreeing. Nag-isip ako nang mairarason, nang maidadahilan nang hindi ipinaparamdam ang pagtutol ko.
"T-That's—" I cleared my throat, hindi ko pa rin magawang mag-angat ng tingin, not even an inch. "—impossible." I almost whispered. "T-The preparation will take time—"
"Three weeks after I learned that your mother was pregnant with you, naipakasal ko na sila ng ama mo. You couldn't give me that crap, Syn. With money and connection, nothing's impossible!"
I suddenly loathe their money and connection.
I sigh deeply, hindi ko na itinago sa kanya 'yon pero hindi na rin ako nagsalita para tumutol. My tongue is finally tied.
Dahil desisyon na niya ang ipinarinig niya sa akin at hindi na nagtanong ng kahit anong detalye, nahulaan kong nasabi na ni daddy sa kanya lahat ng kailangan niyang malaman bago pa kami dumating. Alam ko rin ngayon na galit siya, hindi dahil hindi niya ako sinisigawan ay hindi siya galit. Wala siyang masyadong sinasabi pero isa lang iyon sa rason kaya dapat akong maging maingat sa pagsagot sa kanya, sa oras kasi na mas lalo ko siyang ma-trigger, siguradong parang bulkan siyang sasabog.
"I'm so much disappointed in you." Dugtong niya pero mas galit ang mababakas sa boses kesa disappointment. Hirap na napalunok ako kasabay ng sakit na dumaan sa dibdib ko. "You are indeed your mother's daughter, you don't know what your priorities are. Both are stupid." I swallowed the insult. Inisip ko na lang na mild pa 'to. "I've heard the circumstances of the marriage and it was ridiculous," She laughed amusingly but it was a façade. "Sinabi ko sa'yong gawin mo ang hindi nagawa ng ina mo, hindi kasali ang nagawa niya. And here I thought you are smarter than her and that I can rely on you. Pendeja!"
