Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

Chapter 16: Break On Through, Part Six

Previously, on "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing":

"Maybe you'll meet a better boy or girl for yourself at Joe's or that Alex will sharpen up." she laughs. And Izzie laughs too and notices how Addison hadn't only said to her boy OR girl, but both.

"Izzie says hey maybe I'll ask Joe to point out someone who's confessed their life tragedy to him. I bet he has all the best stories about EVERYONE" Izzie cheers up with a grin.

Addison says that "he sure probably does after all of these years". And Addison sighs.

Addison realizes she REALLY needs to go to the bar tonight to tell Joe not to tell Meredith not to tell any of the other interns or her husband that she took Meredith home that night and tucked her in bed when he'd called only one cab for them both. And then she realizes the more she says that whole monologue in her head, that she's starting to sound more and more insane.

Chapter 16: Break On Through, Part Six

"Hey Addison, can I ask you one more thing" Izzie pulls Addison out of her reverie and shifts uncomfortably.

'What could Izzie possibly be asking me. NOW.' Addison thinks to herself.

"Maybe, I might not answer." Addison shrugs noncommittally.

"What did it feel like?" Izzie begins her question before Addison catches on.

"To kiss Cristina Yang?" she finally says, simply.

Addison chokes for a minute and tries rather unsuccessfully to cover it up with a cough.

Izzie only looks at her with intent as her eyes glaze over a bit as Addison tries to recover.

Addison is reliving the experience of the raven-haired intern shoving her tongue down her throat and her soft lips caressing Addison's. She's decided that kissing a woman is different than kissing a man and that she can't help but wonder what... other women tasted like...

Addison could see her lipstick on Cristina's lips after that and it made her feel a bit guilty. Not that she had anything to be guilty about, right???

'Well, I mean you're technically still married'

'Yeah, but that's not what you're feeling guilty about, now is it?'

'Right. I was thinking about how I wished it was Meredith shoving her tongue down my throat.'

'Ah, yes. The lusty intern you can't seem to get out of your head. You're really into her aren't you?'

'Oh, god shut UP. Christ, I am ATTRACTED to her. Because she's always empathetic, she sees lines between good and evil that shine a light on the darkest days, she's undeniably sexy. She's a talented surgeon who has a way with patients. She brought ME some Cheetos which I started to like. She's funny, witty, always seems to smell like lavender and I just, can't get enough of her'

'Wow, that was a real Nicholas Sparks monologue there, you might be gayer than Ellen DeGeneres if you keep going like this at that rate'

'There is no GOING like this. I'm not GOING anywhere. I am MARRIED. God, I really need to be not married anymore. I am SO going to call the lawyers to file the paperwork this evening with Derek. I just can't STAND having to have his name attached to mine anymore. No, sir.'

'You can't stand being married to Derek because you want your shot at dating Meredith and you don't want to be a cheater anymore.' says her thoughts.