The Same Old Clown: (HisokaXreader)

~Dying?~

(y/n) P.O.V

It's so good to have Hisoka around with me. After all it's not that lonely with him here. We ordered some take out the other day and ate together and of course we talk a lot just as much as we did in the past. Nothing really changed in me. But for him, that wall that used to block his emotions and feelings from everyone disappeared: he started to open up and show feelings which he actually never did before. He's a bit softer like this but I don't mind it. I even come to love this nee Hisoka around me. Probably it's the poison's effect but I've been feeling too tired. I started to feel pain from time to time. Well it's not that painful since I'm used to pain since childhood but yet could be felt. Although Hisoka never personally asked but I know he wants to know what I'm hiding. But I can't bring myself to say that I was threatened to not see him again and that I lost my memory of everything after a failed assassination mission. Or how I escaped and just moved on. Even the one behind all of it is unbelievably my mother. The one who was supposed to be the one who cares about me most.
This doesn't help it I should try to tell him about it. I know they don't know yet but my body is getting weaker each minute. The pain is just growing. The poison's main job was to destroy my lungs so I'll die... It's that I want to die but it's just so painful. I'm tired. I have no reason to live like this. Even the one I love and I... It's just an imaginary impossible story. I've been sleeping a lot lately. Hisoka must have noticed that. I don't sleep that much. I can hang on for a week or so. But I sleep only to drive this pain away. I usually slept in the living room where he'd usually be. He'd have to look after me like a kid.

Hisoka P.O.V

(Y/n) has been weird these two days.

I somehow after hearing what she's been through felt a pain in my chest. Even though I don't know why she didn't come back to our apartment. Apparently it was hard for her. But learning she was ill, made me not want to leave her even more. Although I know that we are impossible. I know it's wrong but for the first time I'm not being as selfish as I was before I met her again yet I don't feel bad over it. My brain says no but my heart which I doubted its existence is actually saying this is the right thing to do. I'll be by her side to protect her, keep her company,take care of her at least until she's recovered, but I'd still want to stay with (y/n) forever simply if she let me do so. It's good being around her. I can feel emotions just like a normal person if she's around. I don't hide it from her. She probably knows that I trust her. Although I hate being close with people, I don't hate hate being close with (y/n).

I received a text from Illumi. It was rare to receive a text from this guy unless it's work.

-Yo Hisoka..
-What is it Illumi?~
-Meet me at the café from the other day in a few minutes.
-Okay

As usual (y/n) was asleep. So it'd be fine and I'll surely be back before she wakes up. I took the keys and left...