Book of Honesty

Scars that Never Fade

I was rejected by my crush in third grade. In the worst way possible.

By having my letter of confession torn apart right in front of me. And then thrown in the trash can for all to see.

Every year, I gained a crush, only to end up being in a one-sided relationship. Even more so with my most recent one, who lasted for four years before I was hit with the truth; he liked someone else. Someone... Better....

Love may seem like a fairytale, but it's not.

The truth is, whether it be in dating or even friendships, there are always standards. They want someone like them. They want someone who can join them. 

Shunning out the one who never made sense. 

Even if it's yourself. 

That's my problem here. I... 

I hate myself. 

I don't know why, honestly. Maybe it's cause of all the pain I caused when I was younger. 

Maybe it's because I hate being wrong or messing up. 

Whatever it is, I lost my reason, my motive to love myself. 

I mean, sure physically I have to so I won't worry my parents. 

But on the inside... Everything I screw up, the voice is there to remind me. Taunt me. 

To remind me that... 

That I'm useless. 

No matter how much I try, I still worry. I'm nothing compared to others. People say I'm smart, but the truth is that I'm not....

I'm still as idiotic as I was when I was a kid... I'm not smart... All I do is hurt others. 

But. 

Now I want to change that. 

I have resolved... To be a better person, bit by bit. 

I won't stay silent in my cocoon of pain. 

I won't stay speechless because of all the people who don't care for me. 

No more. 

I am going to rise. Little by little. 

I will succeed. 

I will prevail. 

The pain I have... I believe... No, I KNOW... It will fade. 

My scars that seem to never fade will. 

For anyone out there who has these kind of scars as well... 

I'm calling out to you. 

I'm rallying all of you up. 

It's time to rise up like a phoenix. 

We are not weak. 

We are not useless. 

No matter what the voices say, 

saying we are weak, useless, fat, a waste of space, 

there are always people out there to support us. 

We have family, friends, loved ones. 

If they can love us, then we can love ourselves as well. 

Stay strong, even when faced with the most painful memories. ~Ficmata

Shreya_VA

#wordstochangecampaign