Scared (L.S)

nineteen

Harry woke up warmer than usual. His mum hated turning the heat on, didn't want to pay high bills, so she usually kept the heat very low if it was turned on at all. This meant that Harry normally woke up freezing his arse off. Except today, he wasn't.

Harry opened his eyes to see the semi-familiar room of his boyfriend, wrapped in the very familiar arms of said boyfriend. Harry was hugging Louis' torso tightly, his face pressed into the older boy's warm skin.

Harry felt good. He felt loved.

That was until he woke up a bit more and remembered what had happened the day before. Harry wasn't sure why he reacted like that when he had tried to come out to his mum. He had a feeling his mother already knew but for some reason, he just couldn't get it out. It was as if the moment he opened up his mouth to speak, a wave of fear had washed over him.

He was scared. He was so fucking scared.

Of rejection. That his mother might not look at him the same way.

He was fairly confident his mother wouldn't kick him out or anything. He was fairly confident she would still love him and still see him as her son. He was just scared that she would see him differently.

All of Harry's eagerness to come out from just days before had washed away and now all he wanted to do was lie in his boyfriend's arms forever so he would never have to face the world again. Harry decided he better just go back to sleep, so he could remain where he was.

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"Louis?" Harry heard faintly. Still tired, he tightened the hold he had on his boyfriend and nuzzled into his neck, breathing in the smell of Louis that seemed to always linger on his skin, clothes, and sometimes even Harry.

"Mum there's someone in his room."

"Well, who is it?"

"That boy, Harry. He's come over a few times."

"Have I met him?"

"No, Lou never brings him over when you're home."

"Hmm." Harry hears a hum. He would love to go back to sleep but the voices speaking were preventing him, not to mention his pillow - ahem, boyfriend - was starting to stir.

"I think they're waking up, Fizz."

"We should probably go, Lou will get mad that we're in here."

As the two voices faded away, Harry felt the arms that were wrapped tightly around his waist squeeze before lowering to his bum, squeezing there as well.

Harry hummed in approval and pressed a kiss to Louis' neck before whispering, "I think your sisters were in here."

"Fuck, you think they told my mum?" He heard Louis say quietly. He could feel the boy's lips moving against his hair.

"I think she may have seen us too."

"Fuck."

Harry lifted his face from Louis' neck to look at his boyfriend. Louis' face was definitely filled with panic. His lips were turned down into a frown and maybe they were even trembling a bit, a sign that perhaps he was only moments from crying. His eyes had been closed but when Harry lifted his head, Louis opened his eyes, revealing his normally bright blue eyes to be more of a stormy grey colour.

Louis was clearly very scared.

Harry reached down and took Louis' hand from his waist, intertwining their fingers together before squeezing them tightly. "It'll be okay."

And with those words, Louis started crying.

Harry didn't really know what to do.

So he guessed. He got off of Louis and pulled the boy into his lap. Although Louis was taller than him (the gap between their heights had slowly been closing throughout their relationship), he fit snugly into Harry's lap. Curling into a ball as quiet tears slipped from his eyes and Harry rubbed his back.

Louis was a calm, almost pretty crier. Harry's tears were usually accompanied by breathless sobs and the ugliest face ever, all scrunched up, but Harry couldn't help but admire Louis as he cried. Sure, the boy that he was gone for was upset which obviously caused him pain, a dull throbbing pain stretching from the pit of his stomach right through his chest. But Louis was so damn pretty.

Louis pulled at Harry's shirt, gripping it tightly as he cried into his boyfriend's chest. He felt like he was overreacting as he tried his best to stop the tears leaking from his eyes. "I'm sorry," He whispered.

"It's okay, Lou. It'll be okay."

Louis pulled back from Harry's chest to see concern spread on his face. Louis leaned up and pecked his cheek. "Thanks."

Harry smiled at him and leaned down to connect their lips. Louis kissed back gently. It was a sweet kiss, so unlike their usual teenager desperation-filled kisses.

"What happened yesterday?" Louis asked him. By now he had stopped crying and was just trying to buy time until he had to go speak to his mother.

"Ummm." Harry looked down and didn't open his mouth again to speak.

Louis reaches his hand up to rest on the side of Harry's face, rubbing his cheek lightly with his thumb. Louis would never admit it but he quite liked being held by Harry, it made him feel safe and maybe the slightest bit less scared for one.

"It's okay baby, just tell me," He coaxes, watching as Harry blinks slowly at his words before taking a shaky breath.

"I couldn't tell her."

Louis is genuinely shocked by this and it leaves him speechless. Given the state Harry had been in when Louis picked him up yesterday, he had assumed Anne had kicked him out or disowned him or something. Harry not telling her had never even crossed his mind.

"I feel really bad about it now 'cause of the way I reacted. I mean you're mum actually knows now so you comforting me just really isn't fair, Lou. I'm so sorry-"

Louis cuts off Harry's rambling with a soft kiss.

"Why couldn't you tell her?"

Harry looks down. "I was scared. I still am."

"Can I tell you something, H?" Louis slides out from Harry's lap and moves to sit beside him. They were both leaning against the wall, their sides pressed up against each other in a way that made them way more comfortable than either of them would ever admit.

Harry nods and leans his head to rest on Louis' shoulder.

"I'm really fucking scared too." Louis reaches to take Harry's hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly, as if he might die should he ever let go. And maybe he feels like that's true. "I'm scared to come out to my mum and my sisters. My friends on the footie team too. I'm scared everyone will hate me and I'm scared they'll look at me differently and won't want to be around me anymore. I'm scared my mum won't love me in the same way.

"But mostly I'm scared of how much I like you, H. I like you so much I don't know what to do with myself and I'm constantly scared of fucking this up."

Harry just nods against his shoulder and turns to press a kiss to it. "Me too, boo."

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This chapter feels so short but its over 1200 words so idk

i wonder if i make l and h cry too much 

love you all

xxx