Scared (L.S)

forty eight

 "I don't think I'm going to go back," Louis said quietly as they lay on Harry's bed, side by side.

Harry frowned and sat up, "What do you mean?"

Louis sighed and let his gaze drift to the ceiling, "I dunno..."

Harry pouted at Louis and let himself fall onto the older boy, "No, Lou, explain."
Louis pouted for a moment before kissing the top of Harry's head, "I'm not sure I want to go back to uni..." He trailed off and let his gaze drift to the ceiling.

"What?" Harry was shocked. He knew Louis was struggling with his mum and with being away and with school in general but to drop out of uni? That was crazy.

Louis sighed, "It's a bad idea, I know."

Harry pursed his lips and sat up again, "No, Lou, just... Why?"

Louis shrugged and sat up too, shuffling so his back was against the wall. "It was a lot before, dealing with being away from you and the girls. And the work's a lot more than I thought it would be... And now with everything going on with my mum. I feel like I should be here, help out and everything.

Harry thought for a moment, "Maybe it's not that bad of an idea."

Louis rolled his eyes, "It's insane, love, there's no way I could actually do it."

Harry shrugged, "I dunno... I just want what's best for you and I guess you're right."

"Right about what?"

"Well of course I'll do everything I can to help you're sisters but no one's as good with them as you are, Lou. No one will be as good for them as you are."

Louis didn't know what to say.

"All I'm saying," Harry continued, "Is that while it is kind of a crazy idea, maybe it wouldn't be completely terrible... And you can always go back next year. Don't think of it as stopping, more like a pause."

"You just want me to stay here," Louis joked with a smile.

Harry chuckled and let himself fall against Louis, "Maybe."

---

It wasn't until a few days later that Louis was able to convince himself to go back to the hospital. He couldn't bare to face his mother, pretending that everything was fine when she had kicked him out and forgotten about him less than a year before.

But after spending the days neglecting his school work in favour of taking his sisters out, helping them with their homework and letting them cry on his shoulder before they fell asleep, he knew he needed to speak to his mother.

So on a Tuesday, after Harry and the girls had all been dropped at school, Louis headed back to the hospital, trying not to think about the ever growing pile of assignments he hadn't done.

This time he was prepared, he wouldn't be emotional, he wouldn't be angry. He had a list of things to discuss (which he couldn't help but think was the effects of Harry rubbing off on him), and he would not stray from them, no matter what his mother did.

When he walked into the hospital, he knew exactly where to go, so he did so, only stopping to smile at the receptionist for a moment before heading to the correct floor.

When he reached his mother's room, he knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open. He saw that his mum was lying with her eyes closed, looking pale and sick and he almost wanted to turn around at that moment... But he couldn't. His mother was dying. His mother was dying and he cared too much for a son that had been kicked out. But as emotional as he felt, as much as he couldn't swallow the lump in his throat, he had a list.