Parinayanantaram

Mixed feelings

By the time I reached home, there was silence. "Siri!" I called … but no reply. However, I heard the jingle of bangles in the bedroom. Sighing in relief, I entered the bedroom to find Siri folding laundry.

"Had lunch?" I asked.

She looked up at me once and shook her head in negation. Then she resumed her work. Her face was expressionless.

I felt bad … I left her alone at home and had my lunch, while she starved here.

{She should have cooked for herself. Shut up, you idiot! This is all your mistake.
I agree.}

I swiftly reached out to her and embraced her. "I am sorry Siri … please get ready … we'll go out for lunch."

She didn't reply but I sensed her body relaxing slightly. I kissed her cheek and tightened the hug.

After a few minutes, she tapped on my shoulder and I released the hug. She grabbed some clothes and walked into the washroom.

{She's not angry with me?
I'm not sure, Man.
But she didn't scold me!
Dude! She didn't utter a single word.
Is that good or bad?
I have no idea at all.}
I sighed and got dressed.

Did I mention that my wife is a beauty? But today she looked ravishing in the saree. I just couldn't take my eyes off her.

{Why has she dressed so well? Is she not angry? I just cannot understand these mixed signals.
Me too.
Then don't interfere.
You can't live without me dear.}

"Where shall we go?"

Siri raised her eyebrows and gave me an intense stare (that seemed like an eternity). I gave up. "Siri, I know that I hurt you. Just forget that we had such a conversation in the morning. You can do whatever you want and about children, we’ll think later. For now, let me take you on a date.”

Siri smiled wide and hugged me. “Where are we going?” She asked excitedly.

“How about lunch at a restaurant, a movie and dinner at a resort?”

“Perfect!” She rushed in to grab her handbag.

{Oooh! Someone’s going on a date.
Hmm …
What happened? Aren’t you excited?
Doesn’t she want to have kids?
I don’t think so … I hope not …
Did you notice how rapidly her mood changed, be it morning or now …? It's scary.
Yeah, I noticed… and if that's the case, we've got something to worry about.
But I would love to have cute little kids of my own.  In fact, one of the reasons why I wanted to marry Siri, was that she seemed so homely and reminded me of my mother. I thought she would make a great mom.
Was that THE reason?
Ok, not only that, she looked cute and interesting.}

"Why are you smiling?"

"Huh?" Snapped out of my mind chatter.

"You had that 'playboy' kind of grin on your face. What's running in your head?" She looked curious.

"We're here." I pulled the car into the parking.

{Ugh! Just tell her that you think she's cute.
Not now. Shut up. We have more important matters to discuss. I don't have time for flirting.
This is exactly the reason why marriage breaks apart. One or both stop relishing the love and romance between them.}

"Tell me." She  demanded, stepping out of the car.

"Let's get your tummy working, first. Or else I'll be in great trouble."

"I'm not hungry ..." she  whined.

I held her hand, dragging her into the restaurant. I felt like a 'father' caring for his daughter.

{What's this obsession with having kids?
I just don't know … but I can't wait to play with my little darling.
Wow! Wait up man. You haven't even had that kind of intimacy with Siri yet. Kids are too far ahead.
Oh! I'll have intmacy soon. But I'm worried about the consequence. What if she gets pregnant and decides to abort? I don't want to kill my baby.}

"What is bothering you?" Her looks are more inquisitive and intense.

"Nothing … I was just thinking of our  journey as a couple … so far."

"Oh that … I'm sorry I've been too harsh initially … I  was upset with Roopa Didi's death." She looked guilty but there was deeper sorrow in her eyes.

"Who is this Roopa?"

{Siva was right. Her aloofness was because of Roopa … or something that happened to her.}

She sighed. "It's a long story. I need lots of energy to narrate it to you." She smiled weakly and began eating. I knew that we were going to discuss an extremely sensitive topic and I appreciated her effort to keep me at ease …

We ate it in silence … it wasn't an uncomfortable silence … but it felt  heavy.

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Couple of things to apologise for...
1) late chapter.
2) short chapter.

Reason... life happens.

It has been more than 45 days since I completed my final year exams and no results yet. I'm getting anxious.... hope everything goes well. So yeah ... I didn't have the mood to write. I tried to do my best however... so hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Have fun in life.

Also ... abortion is a sensitive topic... and I would not like to comment on it. Except... as a med student... I  feel the health of the mother and child comes first... not superstitions and  stringent rules. But every coin has both sides, so what's best for the particular situation must be adapted.

Anyways... don't judge me. Enjoy the story as a story... I am not here to preach or debate anything.