Parinayanantaram

Inner guy

“I am not suffering from any disease.”

“But you don’t know how to have fun or take things lightly. And that … is a disease. Why do you restrict yourself too much by imposing strict rules and principles on yourself? I agree that there should be discipline in life. But not at the cost of happiness. Remember, there is happiness in freedom. Not in restriction. For once, why don’t you break your shell?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you distance yourself from me?”

“Why should I not?”

“You are my wife and we are married.”

“Why don’t you clearly say it?”

“Say what?”

“That you want to … umm … have romance with me. I know about men. Marriage is just like some licence for you. So why beat about the bush? Is this not the reason why you asked me to sleep in your room?”

{Again, she did it. How many times will she stab my heart?} This time, she clearly hurt me. If this is what she thinks about me, then let her go to hell. {I have been trying my best to be an understanding husband. I never wanted to force her into anything. But still she never understood me. She always takes me for granted.}

“Look! I did not marry you for the sake of sleeping with you. For your kind information, there are girls waiting in queue for me. If I had wanted that, I would have chosen a girl hotter and cuter than you. I had married you because I liked your inner beauty. But I regret it now. I don’t want a wife who treats me like some criminal. As much as I try to be nice to you, you … forget it.”

{She is my wife and I love her. Screw me! I can't even scold her to the fullest.}
We reached home and without speaking a word to her, I took my laptop and moved out of the house.

I was planning to take a leave from work for the day. But I could not bear to hear more insults from her anymore. I better stay away from her as much as possible, so that I neither hurt her, nor myself.
I made myself busy at office.

I loved my work and did it with complete dedication. I also tried to maintain good relations with my colleagues. But this does not mean that I did not face problems at work. There were few who were jealous of me. They just did not get the right opportunity to trouble me yet. I need to be cautious!

By the time, I reached home, it was almost midnight. My wife opened the door sleepily. I entered my room directly. She came in behind me.

“Where had you been? I was so worried. I tried to call you so many times, but you did not pick the call. I did not know what to do and whom to call. I …” She broke into tears.

I felt guilty suddenly. She was new to the place and I should not have left without telling her.

But I am one workaholic who does not pick calls in between the work.
{Now that you have a wife, make it a habit to pick your calls Hari! Or you will have to face lots of problems. And then don’t blame me that I had not warned you.}
{What happened to me after marriage? Who is this strange guy in me, who warns me in italics? He speaks like some other person in me. Am I hearing voices in my head or is my stupid brain playing double role? Whatever it is, I need to immediately meet a psychiatrist … or is such a type of insanity a consequence of marriage? … Someone please help me….!!!!}

“I am really sorry … I know that my stupid talk has annoyed you …” She stuttered.

“I should be the one to apologise. I am sorry for worrying you so much. I will never go anywhere without informing you, henceforth. Please don’t cry. I cannot see you crying.”
I wanted to hug her and console her. But I decided against it.

She slowly nodded her head. “Shall I serve dinner …”

“I am … sorry … I … had my dinner already. What about you?”

She shook her head in a ‘No’. I mentally slapped myself for being such a heartless husband. {Exactly!

Oh shut up. You always support her. Were you deaf when she insulted me earlier?

But still … you have no right to trouble her like this. Did she come here, leaving her family to face this? You left her in this new place on the second day of her arrival; and that too all alone!

Maybe you are right. I should not have been so rude to her. But you don’t take this as an opportunity to blame me all the time. I will do something to make up for my mistake.

Haha! Try. But I can bet everything that you cannot please her so easily. She is not like all other women.
Yes! She is too strict and difficult to please.

Oh god! Now only you can save me. And you must save me because you pushed me into this trap called marriage!}