Parinayanantaram

Pain

I woke to the sound of clinking bangles and slowly opened my eyes to see my wife packing her bag.

I looked around to find myself in her room. I remember the first time I entered it. It was cosy, with lots of books and was clean. I liked it.

“Did I sleep in your room? I was too drowsy after lunch, that I didn’t make much notice of it.”

Her glare conveyed the irritation. “Seriously? Are you so senseless that you don’t observe the surroundings?”

I felt hurt. {Maybe she did not want me in her room.} I immediately left her room. I was greeted by uncle, who was having tea. I fake smiled and slumped into the couch, in front of the T.V. But my thoughts wandered elsewhere.

After some general conversation with uncle and aunty we had dinner which was as grand as the lunch.

After dinner, Siri yawned loudly. Her parents laughed and I tried to control my laughter since she already looked embarrassed.

“Looks like Siri is really tired.” Uncle patted her head.

“Of course, she will be. She had a busy day, helping me in cooking and packing her belongings.” There was deep sadness in auntie’s eyes. She is going to miss her darling daughter. And the pain was evident in those 3 pairs of eyes.

I felt like a villain, shattering the lovely little family. {But I need a family too. My family. No … it is going to be OUR family.}

“Mom! I am sleepy.” Siri interrupted my happy thoughts.

“Go to your room and sleep dear. Moreover, you have to wake early tomorrow as you have to leave early.” Her face fell as her mother spoke these words. {Was she tired or sorrowful?}

“Hari! You also have a long journey to start tomorrow. So, it is better you sleep early.” Uncle gently spoke to me.

I smiled and nodded.

“Then why don’t you go to Siri’s room?”

Siri visibly jerked and looked at her parents in disbelief. And I felt like my heart was stabbed. {Does she not want me in her room? Is she that possessive about her room? Or did she find it horrific to share a room with me? I must be ready for lots of pain in life.}

“My … room is messy. I haven’t packed properly yet … So …” She was avoiding my gaze.
{Yes! She was trying to avoid me. Why are you doing this Siri?}

“It’s okay. I will sleep in the guest room. Her room is anyways too warm. I can’t sleep well there.” {Why did I even do that?
Because you want to impress her, Idiot!
Does she look like someone who is going to be impressed?}

She looked at me gratefully. But I pretended not to notice it. {I did not want her to think that I did everything for her. That would only make her develop sympathy for me. Not love.}

“Okay then we will arrange your bedding soon.”
I entered the guest room to find it comfortable. But not as much as her room. I longed to be there. But I had no option left for my dignity.

I slowly opened the window to let in the cold wind. The moonlight flooded into the room immediately, bathing me in silver shower. I looked at the full moon admiringly. But unfortunately for me, it reminded me of her face. My mind got tangled in her deep eyes and angelic smile.

Sound of bangles brought me back to this ruthless world. I looked around to find her making my bed. I stared at her, but she not once spared a single glance at me! {Have I become invisible? Or have I become a ghost? Why does she not look at me? Why does she ignore me?} I could not bear it anymore.

She finished the job and turned to leave the room but I grasped her hand. She struggled hard to escape from my grip. And to my horror, she did it without sparing me a glance.

“Why do you ignore me? If you hate me this much, why did you even agree to marry me?” My voice sounded desperate, which shocked me even more. {How could Hari … the charming prince of every female, sound so desperate for a silly girl like her?}

“I don’t hate you.” She didn’t turn to me. Neither did she stop struggling to escape from my grip.

“Then why are you …” I was interrupted by her.

“I did not have an option. So, I had to marry. Now don’t I even have the freedom to behave the way I want?”
I left her hand immediately. {Did she slap me? Or did she kick away my heart like it was some filthy object?}  I swallowed my anger and disappointment. Sleep was the only remedy to my pain.