Love, Aurélie | REGULUS BLACK

Chapter Forty

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[CHAPTER FORTY]
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FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE, Odette wasn't thinking about Regulus (but he still lingered in the very back of her mind, ready to pop out when her mind was empty), instead she found herself staring at Olivia Mae. She stared as if she was going to receive answers by just looking. Nothing came to her. She was also certain that Olivia Mae knew that she was staring because Olivia Mae had already made eye contact with her twice.

Mei nudged her with her elbow. Odette jumped and turned to look at Mei. Her eyes widened.

"Ow," she said. She grabbed her side, where Mei had hit her.

"Sorry," said Mei, "Toast?"

Odette pushed her head back as Mei smeared a slice of toast with jam spread over it near her face.

"No, I don't want toast," said Odette as she looked down at her plate. She grabbed for her fork and pushed it through the bacon. She raised it up and spun it around her fingers. She didn't even like bacon, why was it on her plate?

"Is something on your mind? You've been awfully quiet this morning," said Mei, "Not that you talk a lot usually, but you're not this quiet."

Odette sighed as she put her fork down. It let out a 'clack' as it touched her plate. "When can we leave?"

Mei glanced at Odette's plate, "If you're not hungry, we can leave right now —"

"No," said Odette, "That's not what I meant, sorry. Let me rephrase that. When is this school year over?"

Odette rose her head to meet Mei's eyes. Mei seemed a bit confused, but she responded anyway.

"I'd say maybe three - four months," said Mei, "I'm not sure. Livi will know, ask her later if you want a direct answer."

It was silent for two seconds before Mei laughed. Odette stared. Mei noticed and calmed down. "Sorry, it's just — I don't want to leave. I never do, actually, but I want to leave even less this year. Once this year is over, we're never coming back here as students. We'll have to be adults and act like adults. Not to mention. . .there is a war happening outside of these walls as we speak."

Odette didn't respond. Mei took a bite of her toast. "Mmmh, you should try this jam. It's so good."

Odette looked at the bright colored jam, "Maybe later."

Mei went to take another bite of her toast happily when she stopped herself and put down the toast, "Why do you want to leave? Do you not like it here?"

Odette stared down at her plate, "It's not that. . ."

"What is it then?"

"My time here has been lovely. . .as lovely as living during a war and having to memorize a dozen books can be. . .but I just don't feel like I belong here. I'm surrounded by people, yet I feel so lonely."

Mei seemed to take in Odette's words before she responded, "What makes you think you won't feel lonely once we leave?"

"I don't know when or if I'll stop feeling lonely," said Odette, "but this isn't doing me any favours. I'm better off seeking something to make me feel better than going through this same routine everyday and thinking about when I'll feel better."