The day I decided to change my life

Chapter 29: Fire

Hi

How could two simple letters made me fucking so nervous?

I didn't wanna talk to him while I was drunk so I blocked my phone and stared at the black screen.

Damn him! I told him I love him and all he gotta say is hi?

Shit, another text.

Riley, don't read it. Go to sleep.

Okay, I couldn't. I covered my head under the sheets and unblocked it again so I wouldn't wake my sister up.

Are you up?

After two long minutes with my phone against my heart, I decided to reply.

      Yes

His response came instantly.

Can we talk?

     Yes

Oh my god, he's calling. I wasn't expecting that at all. I picked the call but didn't say a thing until I was outside in the balcony. The last thing I wanted was for Camille to tell me off and threw my phone out the window.

I took a deep breath and resting my elbows on the railing, I spoke in a whisper.

"Hi." My heart was thumping hard in my ears, my mouth dry.

"Riley, I'm sorry. I know it's late there but I dreamt of you and well, I woke up thinking of you obviously. To be honest, I haven't stopped thinking about you and how we left things and... I needed to talk to you." His voice was low and raspy, making it more difficult to concentrate.

"What did you want to say?"

Good, Riley. Straight to the point.

I held my breath, nervous about his response.

"I don't know, I guess I just wanted to hear your voice. I know you must be pretty mad at me, it's just I- I don't know how I feel." He sighed and my lips started trembling.

Not this again, fuck.

"I know I like you, that's for sure, but- I can't say I feel the same way about you, Riley. I'm not- I'm not ready for a relationship, I've been hurt in the past and I don't want to hurt you-"

"You've already done that." I managed to say before I hung up the phone and started sobbing.

Just then did I realized how cold it was, how empty I felt inside. Leaning my back on the wall, I slid down until my butt hit the cold floor. I pulled my legs up against my chest and hid my face between them, hugging them hard.

I didn't know it could hurt so bad when your feelings were not reciprocated. It physically hurt. I wanted to rip out my heart until it didn't feel so painful.

The sound of the door sliding behind me didn't even make me react. I kept on crying and crying, until my head hurt and I felt so sleepy that I could finally rest in Morpheus' arms and not think about the confused man that I so unfortunately loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up, I was in my bed. The tremendous headache not even letting me open my eyes a little. I smelled coffee and heard the light sound of the TV.

"What time is it?" I muttered, turning onto my other side, covering myself right up my chin.

"It's just ten am." I heard my sister reply. "You can go back to sleep. You called sick today."