"Sqaishey isn't dead! She isn't dead! Stop lying!" I yelled. With that I ran as fast as I could from the place that I was standing in the garden, through the garden gate, and out onto the back alleyways. I stared down at the uneven pavement below my feet. There was a very high chance that I would fall over and hurt myself in some way but if it meant that I could get away from Squid then it would be worth it. I took a deep breath in and started to run as fast as I could. The cold wind of the night made my face numb instantly. Everything in my body hurt like hell. My head hurt, my lungs felt tight, my heart felt like it was bleeding, and I was bursting to use the toilet. I had to keep running though. For some odd reason I didn't know where I was going. I was just running...somewhere. Maybe I was just automactially running towards a place that Sqaishey was going to be. Hopefully that was going to be the case.
I eventually got to the end of the alleyway. As I stepped out onto the main street the first thing that I noticed was some train tracks. On those train tracks was a train that was traveling at an rising pace. I thought about it for a second. Maybe I could just lie down onto those tracks and let that train cut my body in half. Then I wouldn't have to worry about anything at all. I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that I most likely annoyed people, how I was going to pay the rent for mine and Squid's apartment, and any of my emotions...ever...ever again. Was it worth it? Was it serisouly worth it?! I quickly jogged across the slightly busy road and made my way up the almost flat hill to get to the side of the train tracks. I stared down at the rusted metal, tears rolling down my face, my heart pulsation with utter terror. Not because of the fact that, in a second, I might be in terrible pain...But because of the fact that what Squid said eailer was true. Sqaishey was dead...There was no point in denying it any longer. Denying that fact would just make this whole expreience even worse.
I fell to my knees and started to sob uncontrolablly. Sqaishey was dead. I knew it. She was dead and she was never coming back no matter how much that I wanted her to. I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles until they were red and horribly sore. I didn't care. I needed to feel some sort of pain to know that I hadn't died just yet. Unlike Sqaishey...She was dead now. I wasn't going to see her again. Never in my life. The only part of her that I had left was her photos, her clothes, and the memories that I had made with her. I guess I had her son as well. He was never going to have any memories of her. All he was going to have were pictures and the stuff that I told him about the person who tried their very best to bring him up before sickness took over. The sickness that took over her poor soul so...so...so...so very fast. She was dead within a month or so. Dead...That word rung in my head like a bell. A bell that wouldn't shut up no matter what you used to muffle it. Coming from near me I suddenly heard another type of bell. The train's bell. I looked up from my lap and stared at the train that was coming towards me.
For some odd reason, one of my favourite songs popped into my head. The meaning of the song was about accepting yourself. I accepted myself all right. I accpeted the fact that if I didn't do this...Then for the rest of my life I would be depressed...And nothing but depressed. Nevertheless, the words still came into my head.
I used to spend my nights wishing that I could be somebody else.
Until I realised that the person I was going to be was always going to be myself.
'Cause if we look past the imperfections,
We're all the same, we're only human,
The most powerful thing you own is your...
Voice.
Scream above the noise.
That you're perfec the way that you are,
Even when times are hard.
You are brave.
Forgotten Feelings
Start from the beginning
