The Grasshopper

Chapter 112

Like every night, Manami and Pascal were sitting in the dark on their cover. Manami raised her head from Pascal’s shoulder and got up. Then she knelt on the couch, turned towards him. He sat leaning back, motionless, with his hands in his lap. Manami took his face in her hands and turned him towards her. She caressed him.

“Why don’t you love me, Pascal?” she asked.

“Don’t do this to me, Manami,” Pascal answered.

“Why don’t you caress me like this? Why don’t you also run your fingers through my hair, my love?”

“Manami…” Pascal said painfully. “Don’t torment me…”

“I’m overjoyed, my dear! Overjoyed! That’s why I’m teasing you. Because the most impulsive Don Juan is behaving like this. He won’t even touch his loved one until she tells him to. And he trembles with love. I’m not an adulteress, Pascal, because I allowed myself to be seduced, because I allowed you to seduce me, because you spoke sweet words to me. I am an adulteress only because I’m so in love with you. And only because my love is so big and strong. And that is why I have the right to caress you. If anyone were to see this now, they would later say that I caressed your cheek… your hair. They would not be able to say that you caressed my hand with your cheek. That you seduced me.”

“Manami… I want to touch you… I can’t… I can’t take it…”

“Talk to me,” said Manami.

“I love you! I’m crazy about you! I want to kiss you! I have to kiss you!”

“Not like that” Manami laughed.

“What then?”

“What kind of a world will you create?”

“Me? I’m not going to create any kind of world, my love. I’m not interested in that anymore. I just want to be with you… Only you exist for me. And do you know what, Manami? Those stories of yours, whether you are an adulteress or not. This way or the other… You can tell them to someone else. You are just a selfish creature.”

“Is that so? So that’s what you think of me?”

“Exactly.”

“Well, now you’ll see how selfish I am, my love!”

Manami got up, sat in his lap, covered his lips with her hands and kissed his hair, forehead, eyes.

“There. That’s how selfish I am, my darling!” 

Pascal moved her hand from his lips and tried to kiss her, but Manami sat up, pressed her hands against his shoulders and said

“Don’t you dare!”

“I won’t. I won’t, Manami. Forgive me…” said Pascal, trying to calm himself. “I’m aware of how much it means to you… that I… didn’t seduce you allegedly. Because, as far as I understand, that would be a sin. And the fact that you fell in love with me on your own, that allegedly isn’t a sin.”

“Of course it’s not a sin. My soul is pure. My love is pure. It’s like a mountain stream from ages ago. That is how pure my love is, Pascal.”

“Your love is pure, Manami. As is your soul. You are wonderful… wonderful, Manami. But my love is pure too. And powerful. And I cannot go on like this anymore. I must caress you, touch you, kiss you… Don’t torture me any more, please. In any case, you’re just deceiving yourself and me for no reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I seduced you with my eyes, when you were bringing the mayor tea.”

“You seduced me?” Manami exclaimed. “You’re really talking nonsense, Pascal. I seduced you with my eyes! In any case, I looked at you first. And you were puzzled by that look for days. Only later did I succeed in seducing you, in forcing you to look at me that way.”

“You looked at me first?! I looked at you intently the entire time that you were brining the tea. And you felt my gaze, my seduction, on yourself. And that is why you even looked at me in the first place. To see what was so powerful, who loved you so much.”

“Just you keep deceiving yourself, my darling, if it makes you feel better.”

Manami got up from Pascal’s lap, sat next to him and placed her head on his chest.

“So kiss my hair… So what? I’m a lonely sad woman in a shelter… in the middle of a war. And you are a good friend who’s comforting me… who is hugging me and kissing my hair, in difficult times. That is completely understandable and acceptable.”

Pascal kissed her hair in silence and stroked her back.

“I want to kiss your lips so much, Pascal… But I can’t. The one who is watching would then say ‘He kissed her.’ That’s what they always say ‘he kissed her,’ and not ‘she kissed him.’ Right?”