When I was a few steps away from the bed Sqaishey stopped crying and stared at me, her pale blue eyes glistening with tears. I jogged over to the bed and wrapped my arms around her thin and boney shoulders. Seconds later she lifted her thin arms up and hugged me back. When I pulled away I sat down on the chair that was right next to the bed and placed my hand inside of hers. We both just stayed in silence for what seemed like years while the pungent smell of vomit made me mentally gag. I didn't want to say anything though. That would just be way too mean. A few minutes of us just staring at each other in silence passed before Sqaishey straightened her body up and brought her knees up to her chest. Even her knees looked pale. With all my heart I wanted to say something but nothing came to mind. What the heck was I meant to say right now! I couldn't say anything about her health. I just knew that she would just burst into tears if I said something like that.
"Stampy...I'm so sorry." She whispered out of the blue. Sorry? Why the hell was she sorry? I tried to ask her about this yet all she did was chuckle weakly and stare down at the ground. "Because I ruined half of your life...If not the whole of it with this stupid illness...and Kendal. If I had just took in all of the symptoms that I would have just got rid of him before I gave birth...Not because I don't love him but I don't want him growing up without a mother! Do you know how...how bloody horrible that would be for him." She did have a point. It would be bad growing up without a mother. There was no certain proof that Sqaishey was going to die though, even though when she spoke it came out as a mere whisper and small specks of blood flew out.
"You might not die! There is still a chance that you will live! It might not even happen!" I said, bringing her closer to my body again. She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. Small, wheezy, sharp breaths came out of her mouth. She weakly shook her head and laughed again.
"True...But if I do...You know that I..." She flopped down onto the bed and curled up in a ball. I placed my hand against her forehead. It was freezing cold. Just like it was in my nightmare. Was it seriously going to become real?! It can't be! It was just a stupid, fake, nightmare that I had. Not a real one! Nightmares weren't supposed to become true! I shook her slightly, my heart starting to pound with fear. She couldn't be dead. No way she could be! I opened my mouth and yelled her name as loudly as I could to try and stir her but with no avail. She was more still than a statue. There was only one heart monitor that only showed you the heartbeats without making any sound at all. The thought that at any second I would look up at that machine and see a flat lined was now my brand new phobia that I didn't want to face.
At that moment the door opened a crack and Sqaisheys nurse walked in. For a split second she looked happy until she looked up an inch. Her expression changed at once. Why did she look up...Shakily, I craned my neck around and glanced upwards. The heart monitor was still showing wavy lines, meaning that her heart was still beating, but instead of being a plain green button it was now a bright red colour. Both me and Crystal stare at it for a second until it hit me. Every so often the line would go completely flat before being wavy again. Her heart was literally skipping beats. I turned back to look down at Sqaishey. She seemed worse than she did ten seconds ago. Her face was pure white. Sweat poured down her face. Her eyes were open slightly, showing off her completely white eyelids. I had a horrible feeling that she was going to die but now that it was actually happening...I didn't know how to react. I placed my hand on the side of her face and shook her slightly. If I had shook her hard then it would have most likely hurt her even more.
"Sqaishey...Please wake up. For me, ducky. For Squid. For your subscribers. For my subscribers. For your own, beautiful son. Wake up!" Nothing. Nothing happened. "S-Sqaishey? Wake up? Please! I am begging you! Wake up!" I felt a arm wrap around my arm as I got pulled away from her. At first I thought it was the nurse, by the touch of the hand though I knew that it was Squid. That and the fact that Crystal was standing over Sqaishey, pulling something over her head. Why was she doing that?! She wasn't dead yet! Her heart was still beating! I looked up at the heart moniter for proof of my thoughts...And that was when I noticed it. There was a thick, black line across the red screen. As well as that there was a faint beeping sound. No...My heart stopped. I stood still, not wanting Squid to move me any further. Was it really true...Was she...d-d-dead...I felt my legs get weak as I slipped to the floor, brusing my knees in the process.
Sqaishey couldn't be dead. No way on earth something like that would happen. I always said that she would die but...I never actually thought about what I would do when it did happen. Well, that was a little bit of a lie. I had thought about it. I never actually thought about what I would do the second after I knew that she would never come back again. Most people would have thought that I would cry. Apart from the tears that I had on my face from earlier, no tears were to be seen. I didn't really feel upset either. I just felt empty. Lost. Like I had just lost a limb or something like that. I closed my eyes shut and tried to see if this was another nightmare. Another horrific, horrible nightmare that I would soon wake out of. Maybe if I just counted to hundred and back again then I would open my eyes and I would be back in my bedroom, sweaty and scared from the dream. I had to do this...I had to. Squid started to tell me to get out of the room as they had to prepare her for something but I just blocked the sound of his noise out until it became white noise. I needed to do this...For Sqaishey. I started to count, my head feeling light at once. Even with my eyes closed I felt as if I was getting spun around multiple times. I had to ingore it...Just keep counting.
I got to hundred and back again. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. There was a black sheet over Sqaishey. The heart moniter was turned off. No...Did I miss a few numbers. I was about to close my eyes again when Squid dragged me upwards and out of the room. The second the door shut was when I started to cry. Not silent crying. Full on sobbing. I fell to the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face into them. I sensed that people were looking at me but I didn't care in the slighest. I needed to cry. I cried and cried until I couldn't feel my lungs anymore. For some odd reason I liked the sensation of this pain...Yet I didn't like the fact that Sqaishey wasn't here anymore...I wished that she was...I wished that I had treated her better while she was here. All of the bad things that I had done to her over the few months were starting to quickly rush back to me, forcing more tears and wails to come out of my mouth. What was worse was that I knew that I was the cause of her death.
Sqaisheys POV
The room was dark. I could feel somebodys hand placed over mine. As well as voices. Not just one but mutiple ones. Just flying all around me. I wanted to open my eyes but the whole of my body felt like it was stuck, even though my stupid restraints had been taken off this morning because it was predicted that I was going to...going to die. Was I dead? Is this what being dead felt like? Did people just sleep when they died? How the heck didn't they get bored? I suddenly felt my body being pulled up. Slowly but firmly. I tried to open my eyes again. This time it actually worked. The place that I was in was a brightly lit room. The lights didn't hurt my eyes though, which I found slightly strange. I stared down at the ground. It was like the carpet that I had at my old house. What...Why? Was I at my old house? I started to walk, feeling nervous, even though my body showed no signs that I was.
Was this really what dying felt like? I suddenly realised the place where I was. At my house. The place where I grew up. I quickly ran into the kitchen when I saw him. Stampy. He was sitting at the table, crying quietly. Squid was sitting next to him, rubbing his back gently. Both of my parents were sitting oppistite them. I walked up to them and placed my hand on Stampy's shoulder. He shuddered for a second, looking around. Was I some sort of ghost? I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Was I serisouly dead? No! I couldn't be dead! I couldn't be!
"Stamps...Just say it." Squid mumbled.
"N-No...She isn't dead Squid...I just know it. She can't be!" Stampy said, sobbing his eyes out. I wrapped my shockingly pale and thin arms around his shaking body. He shuddered again. This time he looked around as he did so. "Yes, her heart moniter flatlined but-but she is alive! I just know it!" Tears were now pouring down the sides of his face. Tears were also going down Squid's face, my mothers face and my farthers face. Did Stampy already tell them that I had died? How did they go to them so quickly? How long ago did I dissapear out of this world? Stampy suddenly stood up, ran towards the back door and went into the dark back garden. I stayed by the table for a few seconds, watching the three people that were left. None of them spoke a word. Sighing, I made my way towards the back door. I seemed to float through the door itself, just like a real ghost would....I was a ghost....But I didn't feel dead.
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