It's Love - Namjoon X Reader

Overwhelmed By Me

___

"Do you regret coming?" I ask, hoping his answer doesn't upset me.

"No, I don't. I really like Y/n. She nice, funny and a great cook, but..."

"But you still find her suspicious" 

"Correct. Sorry Hyung, I don't mean to make you sad. I just want to know more about her and who she is, where she comes from and why I know her god damn last name. When you see her again, maybe you can suss things out?" Jungkook blinks his eyes at me quite frantically. By this point, honestly, I was interested as well.

"Fine, I will try" As I agree to Jungkook's demands I feel my heart freeze. I don't want to hurt Y/n, but I need to know more about her. 

___

I find myself in bed once more as my mind continues to over analysis my feelings. I stare at the roof as I try to focus, my breathing somewhat calm I suppose. 

"I like Namjoon" 

I blurt the words out, to be honest I surprised myself but it was the truth. I was both mad and upset with the conclusion I have found myself in. I can't like him, I can't like anyone. Relationships themselves aren't something I'm fond of and probably never will be again, but I like Namjoon. If this were any other night I already would be half way down the street, drunk in some bar and in little to no time at all in some strangers home. For some reason however, I am not. I am here in bed, contemplating my thoughts. 

No matter how much I like him, I will not date him or confess my feelings. Never again will I find myself in a relationship. I can't go through such things again, I won't make it through, I know I won't. 

As I feel my tears swell up as the memories of my past flood in, I reach for the drawer beside me. Inside lays a large bottle of alcohol soon to be consumed by yours truly. I guess my drinking habits truly never change.  

.....

I wake in groggy mess. The sun shines brightly upon my face and the stench of alcohol lingers within the air. As I let out groans, I search frantically for my phone as it lies somewhere in my bed. When I do find it, I see I have a message from Namjoon, which excites me quite a bit. 

The message says that he wants to meet at 12:30pm and the time now is...11:00am. I find my eyes that were once half shut open widely as I throw myself up from the bed. An hour and a half was not enough time to have a shower, get ready and travel to the place he wanted to meet. All known logic has left my brain as I quickly strip off my clothes and hop in the shower, scrubbing hard to rid of the horrible smell that my body consisted of, hoping that I was to make it in time. 

.....

Quickly as I run down the pathway, trying my absolute best to not bump into anyone I spot Namjoon in the distance. I feel my heart rate rise extensively as I approach him further and further. 

As I stand before him I find myself extremely out of breath as I bend over gasping for air. 

"S-sorry I'm late" I struggle to say, my throat dry and my body numb. 

"You're not late. You're practically on time" He says laughing, pointing at his watch. "But why are you so out of breath?" 

"I-I ran all the way here" I state, now looking at him rather than the ground. He looked extremely good looking for some reason, I mean it was no secret Namjoon was very handsome, but that shirt he wore, emphasising his broad shoulders and strong arms was really doing something to me. Ah, stupid, stupid, stupid. I am stupid. 

"You didn't have to do that. I could've waited" He seems quite shocked at the fact I ran all the way here. Honestly, same, I have no idea how I did it actually.

"No, it's fine, I'm here now. That's all that matters I suppose" As I finally catch my breathe Namjoon begins to laugh it me. I guess the situation is quite funny when you really think about it.

"Come on, lets go" 

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"I have some things planned that I thought you would like" He smiles brightly but not towards me. I think he's acting shy? "Oh, before we go. You can ride a bike, right?"

"Huh?" 

In a matter of ten minutes I somehow find myself riding a bike quite swiftly with Namjoon right beside me as the Han river sit's quietly on our left. The water is blue and bright as the sun reflects off it, warming my skin as the wind blows gently through my hair. I felt free and at ease with myself. I was riding with Namjoon, such an occurrence had never crossed my mind before, yet here I am. 

I look over at him and he looks back at me. "Are you having fun?" he asks. 

I nod my head in response, and without realising It, I smile softly as I do so. At this moment, everything just felt as though it was going to be okay. 

After some time, Namjoon and I sit quietly together on a bench beside the river once more while eating ice creams. The cool sensation was something my body craved as it reminded me of my childhood. 

"Oh Y/n, I forgot to tell you this yesterday" I look towards him intrigued as my eyes flutter open and my heart skips a beat. "The boys and I are taking a break from music for a few months"   

"That's great Namjoon. You really deserve to rest. Do you know how you're going to spend your time?" I ask.

"Well, I'll get to see you more often now. We can spend more days like this if you want" He seems genuine about what he just said to me, I could feel it in the way he spoke. I felt warm and secure, but scared as well.

"Anyway, enough about me. I know almost nothing about you Y/n. Why are you so secretive? Tell me about your life, childhood, school, family, anything. I want to know" He asks such a simple question, but so difficult to answer. Due to this, all of a sudden I feel very overwhelmed and my mind begins to break. Heat rushes through my body and  can't make the words out. I can't tell him, I can't talk about it. He'll leave if he knows, people always do. 

"Y/n, are you okay?" He asks, now concerned, but I just continue to stay silent. In what feels like a lifetime, I see that his hand reaches towards me and everything blacks out. Namjoon was no longer in front of me and I was no longer seated at a bench by the river. All I could see was myself on the ground in a pool of blood as a dark figure walks closer and closer. 

Suddenly, as I'm thrown back into reality Namjoon sits in front of me once more as I hear his voice echo through my mind. 

"I'm sorry Y/n I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's- It's not your fault, I- I just... I need to go" Quickly I stand up and I run. I run as first as I could. I needed to get away for a bit, I needed to be alone. People aren't safe, they only hurt you. The keep you around until they don't need you anymore. Namjoon, he was the same, they always are.  

~Authors Notes~

Can we all just collectively agree that Namjoon is one of the kindest, most caring and talented people on earth and that we don't deserve him? Okay, we all agree, thank you.