Severus... Reformed / SNILY (COMPLETE)

Chapter Fifty-Five

A.N. CLEAR REFERENCES TO SELF-HARM AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. PLEASE BE WARNED.

Severus woke up to almost blinding white and Remus Lupin.

"Severus," the boy greeted.
"Remus," he murmured in response.
There was the expected pause of contemplation and then Remus snapped.
"WHAT IN GODRIC'S NAME WERE YOU THINKING?"

Severus didn't reply. He saw Madam Pomfrey peer out of her office before tactically retreating.
"Severus," Remus snapped. "Look at me."
Reluctantly, Severus looked at the boy's despairing face.
"Why?"

Severus groaned in disgust. He wouldn't be interrogated by a white knight like Remus.
"Severus, I'm not going to argue about this."
Too damn right he wasn't. Severus didn't have the strength.
"You could've died!"
"Would've been better off for everybody," he muttered.

Remus appeared conflicted but he wouldn't lay off now. He was going to say what he needed to say.
"Severus," he said gently, "This has got to stop."
Severus rolled his eyes.
"When do you think it started?" He asked harshly.

The boy halted slightly. Severus decided to butt in before it became a one-sided conversation.
"It started when I was younger.  Around the age of nine. It had all been normal before that," Severus said bitterly. "My dad was a drunk, my mum was insane - all was going well in the Snape household. Then Lily came along. She was wonderful: sweet, caring, woefully naïve. She made me feel happy and you know what, Remus, that was the worst.

"She made me realise that it wasn't right to spend all day freezing on a park bench only to go home and be slapped for the burden of existing. She gave me a present, you know, for Christmas, and I didn't know what it was meant to be. I thought it was something that I had to borrow for a set time or even an artifact - something to look at and admire and crave."

Severus swallowed before it became too hard to go on.
"Lily made me feel depressed because she was this wonderful shining light and I was the horrible, black cloud in her life. How could I feel happy when she was out blessing the world and I was latching on to her paradise lifestyle and sucking out all the light? My family might've been a bloody wreck, but Lily is the reason I realised it. I could've gone my whole life thinking torture was a normal method of discipline. "

Remus looked like he was about to cry, as any thirteen year-old might, but chose not to speak now. He sensed, if nothing else, that his friend had more to say.
"Then Dumbledore, bloody, useless Dumbledore, found out. I told him he didn't have a right to know."
Severus sounded incredibly matter-of-fact now.
"He told me that it was his right to know so that I couldn't 'harm' any of his pupils."

There was a deadly silence. Then_
"That interfering old bastard!"
Severus was taken aback and turned his head slightly.

Regulus walked in and stopped at the foot of Severus' bed.
"I couldn't help hearing," he shrugged helplessly, "but Lupin's right. It's got to stop."
Severus felt himself getting angry.
"I could call you interfering!"

"He saved your life, Severus," Remus said sharply, and Severus had almost forgotten he was there. "You would've bled out otherwise."
"Who cares?" Severus exclaimed. "If it wasn't for your bloody hero-worship I'd be a nobody!"
Regulus took a deep breath.

"If you were gone, the wizarding world would miss out an awful lot. You, Severus Snape, are going to be the world's leading Potioneer and you'll invent a load of cures, insult a whole load of people and become the youngest person to get an Order of Merlin. And, if nothing else, Evans will miss you," Regulus added simply. "She cares a great deal more than you know. You just need to open up your eyes and take in what the world has to offer. The glass isn't always half empty."
"Muggle sentiments," Severus sneered but his heart wasn't in it. Did Regulus really think Lily cared about him?

"There's something to be said for Muggle psychology," Regulus commented. "Sirius taught me that much."
"You're Sirius Black's brother?"
"Yes," Regulus drawled. "What's it to you?"
"Nothing_"

"Lupin, Black, visiting hours are over!"
Madam Pomfrey bustled out, looking displeased, and came over to Severus' bed. Regulus and Remus left together in silence.
"Now, now, Snape, get some rest," she said kindly. "The headmaster will be speaking to you tomorrow."
She must've seen the look on his face because she said something else before going back to her office.

"I'll put him off for as long as I can. You need to rest, especially if you want that Order of Merlin."
She smiled at him.
"And I don't think you should settle for anything less than First Class."

*****

A.N. Thank you for reading, especially since that was a bit of a heavy chapter.
Please comment or tell me if there's anything I'm portraying wrongly. Don't be afraid to give me criticism. :)