Severus... Reformed / SNILY (COMPLETE)

Chapter Forty

Hallowe'en was the next event of the year that Severus paid attention to. Of course, he wouldn't go to the feast, and he didn't like to have company (especially Lily's) when it was her memory he was remembering, but he was aware of the tradition coming up, and was especially wary of Remus and Lily's expected reactions to his disappearance. He had just decided to tell them beforehand, when Lily asked him first.

"Why did you miss the feast last year?" She looked up at him earnestly.

Severus moved his gaze from anywhere other than those green eyes.

"Someone I was very close to, they died on Hallowe'en. I like spending it alone."

Lily appeared apologetic.

"I'm so sorry, Severus, I didn't know_"

"_Of course you didn't; I never told you."

His comeback was harsh, and it hurt Lily, but Severus had his grief to deal with. Remus held Lily back as Severus strode away.

"Leave him. You know what he's like," he added lowly.

"Why did he never tell me?" Lily cried.

Remus stared after the departing figure.

"I assume he had his reasons. Severus always does."

"But me? He never told me!"

Remus took her by the shoulders.

"Despite what you like to think, Lily, neither of us have known Severus right from the very start," he said seriously. "Everyone has secrets, and it takes a while to reveal them."

Lily bit her lip.

"We said we would never keep secrets from each other."

"Lily," Remus sighed, sounding vaguely irritated, "everyone has secrets. That's naïve, thinking that Severus hasn't kept at least one thing from you. And this is Severus we're talking about. The most closed-up character we know. I'm sure there are things that he's bottling up. So we should let him have this evening – give him the time to let those things out, even, and most especially, with nobody else around."

Lily nodded, but inside she was confused, and upset. Why on earth would Severus have secrets?

*

Severus could hear the celebrating going on below in the Great Hall from where he stood, contemplative, on the Astronomy Tower. He pondered for a moment that he'd been too bitter with Lily earlier but, after all, Lily was strong; she could deal with a few harsh words. Also, she had Remus to talk sense into her, not him. He had some thinking to do.

Even before Lily's death, before his jump from the parapet, the Astronomy Tower had been Severus and Lily's place. Severus had helped Lily learn the constellations here, and pointed out shooting stars. They had talked, often sitting cross-legged on Lily's old teddy Snuffles' blanket, and enjoyed peaceful silence. They had even had midnight picnics: sandwiches and pumpkin juice and pies, and many treats from the kitchen's House-Elves. But the tower had also been Severus' place, just for him.

He'd cried here, been comforted him, sat here, spoken here, listened here. This was where he'd kept the memory of Lily Evans alive. And now she was alive... and Severus was confused by grief. He was still repenting for the part he'd played in Lily's death, passing on that stupid prophecy, and he was unsure of whether it meant that he'd finished repenting because he now had Lily back.

*

Meanwhile, Remus sat in the Great Hall, wondering over his friend's strange absence. Whatever Lily might say, Remus clearly knew a lot more about Severus' ailments than she did. He knew that the boy suffered from insomnia, and that it was related to another condition. It was also perhaps due to the death of the person Severus had been close to. Lily might know a lot more about Severus' character, but Remus wasn't naïve enough to believe she knew everything that was going on inside the Ravenclaw's head. Severus was far too clever to let on that much. Remus looked over at the staff table, and was surprised to see the headmaster staring back at him. The old man appeared thoughtful, and occasionally glanced over to the empty spot opposite the boy. He was interested in Severus' absence.

As soon as the feast was finished, Remus raced to find his friend, intent on telling him about Dumbledore, but found it was too late. When he approached the Astronomy Tower, one of the first places he had gone to search, he heard the two having an intense conversation.

"Why weren't you at the feast, Mr Snape?" The headmaster asked casually.

"Does it matter to you?" Severus sounded like he was on the defensive.

"Yes, if you can believe it. As I said before, it is my right to know about these things so you cannot harm my other pupils_"

"_I'm not sure my absence is 'harming' any of your other students. On the contrary, many would have been pleased to see my place vacant. Many wish to see me put safely in the Hospital Wing."

"So do I, but for different reasons. You, of all people, should not be missing meals. I will have my eye on you, like I did last year."

"Great!" Severus was sarcastic. "I have another puppy-dog protector! Why can't you all leave me alone?"

And with that, Remus heard footsteps echoing down the stairwell, and received Severus' furious glare as the other stopped at the bottom and then hastened away. Sighing, Remus followed, not eager to be part of a shouting match, but resigned to his fate.

*****

A.N. Next up: Gryffindor's match against Slytherin. Will Lily survive the pressure and make it out on top?

Severus will also be confronting Remus, but not as furiously as Remus might expect.

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