I woke up to a missed call from ethan and a text message, I smiled seeing the message a few times and cherished it.
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after I read it and sat there for a moment, I felt bad.
I'm using ethan as an escape route.
I can't do this to him, he's too kind and for me to be doing this makes me such a shitty person.
I have to tell him, I cannot go through with this all because I'm jealous of Graysons dumb crush.
I locked my phone and put my face into my hands overly stressed about this whole thing, I let jealousy get the best of me and to me that's terrifying.
I heard my phone vibrate and I quickly put on a happy face answering Graysons call, "soooo I heard about the date ethan" he chuckled a bit and rested his face on the palm of his hand as he waited for me to spill everything.
I giggled and blushed "well I asked him to homecoming"
I can't do this.
I looked down into my lap and fiddled with my fingers as my smile faded each second I had a moment to think, "damn you have balls" he chuckled and clapped giving me props.
I rolled my eyes and giggled "im gonna go eat" I ended the call with an excuse leaving him before he even had a chance to respond or ask me any questions.
I felt terrible, I'm hiding things from my best friend meanwhile using his brother as an escape my feelings for him.
Great.
I look at the clock and I have plenty of time, it was 2:30 and we both agreed that 4 was the perfect time. I get up and left my phone there, I wanted to eat my bagel bites in peace.
No distractions. Just me and my food.
I laughed at myself for a moment, I thought I was stupid for even thinking that Grayson and I could ever be a thing.
Grayson is so perfect, everything I'm not. I'm just an annoying best friend to him, nothing more.
That bothered me.
I didn't want to own up to that, I didn't want to accept the fact he only saw me as his best friend. I didn't like seeing him with another girl, so I figured when I messed around with other guys he'd gain the slightest bit of jealousy, but he's happy for me.
It looks just as bad as it sounds, I shouldn't want him to be upset over me. I shouldn't wish these things upon him, in the end it's his choice and my wishes count as nothing.
Even though my hopes and wishes meant nothing, I wanted him to know how it felt to see him crush over someone else, and I chose ethan because he's similar to Grayson.
Only to find out I'm a shitty person and I should have just learned to accept he doesn't want me, and we are better as friends.
