[2] ONE || C. LECLERC

FORTY THREE

»»——⍟——««

CAMILLE

My whole body ached. The pain started at the top, with constant headaches lingering by my temples from the lack of sleep, and rushed all the way to the bottom, towards my toes, which felt just as numb as each of my limbs. It was Tuesday, only three days since Charles broke my heart, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. Victoria and Dilara were here, after Max begged them to fly to Monaco to help him out because he was struggling to train and look after me at the same time. I knew I was a handful, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. I didn't want to eat, food didn't sound appetising to me in the slightest and if anything it made me want to throw up. No matter how hard Max tried to persuade me, going outside sounded like absolute torture, even if I just sat on the balcony for a few minutes to clear my head. I enjoyed having Victoria and Dilara around usually, but right now, it felt like a chore to speak to anyone. I just wanted Charles, but I knew I would never get that. I couldn't get my head around what he did to me.

Max went out yesterday and came home with tears on his cheeks. He told me that everything was his fault and that he should've never let Charles in. Accepting Charles was one of Max's "biggest mistakes" and it hurt me to hear those words coming from his mouth. Despite what he did to me, I still loved Charles with everything I had and he would always mean so much to me. I wanted to give him a second chance, because he deserved that from me at least, but I wasn't ready to do that. He kissed another girl only three days ago, and if he loved me like he always promised, there would be no reason at all for him to do that to me. I still couldn't get my head around it.

Sleeping was tough. Every time I tried to close my eyes I was afraid of being greeted by the same image of Charles and his ex girlfriend - I couldn't even bring myself to say her name. Max lay beside me every night and I felt guilty because I was dragging him away from Dilara and I didn't want to be responsible for the break down of his relationship, just because mine was over. They caught up on cuddles whenever they could, but Max was apprehensive to leave my side anyway. Dilara understood, because she knew that I was his best friend and that he would do anything for me. Max would stay up with me and hold me close, trying to tell me that it would be okay, but I didn't believe him. It would never be okay because Charles and I would never be a thing again. That broke my heart. Over a year was wasted in one second.

Currently, Max sat beside me in bed, whilst Victoria and Dilara were out buying the essential groceries for the four of us. His fingers ran across my wrist slowly, whilst I sniffled away to myself. Today hadn't been a great day. I didn't even feel hungry, so I'd not eaten anything since a small bar of chocolate last night. Max shoved fruit in front of me, with yoghurt, toast and also some granola, but I refused to eat it and allowed him to instead. I wasn't hungry at all, my appetite had totally disappeared and I wasted the only bit of energy I had on crying over my boyfriend. Ex boyfriend. I struggled to understand why this had to happen to me, because I thought that finding Charles was the best thing I experienced after Stefan. The feeling of not being good enough was so self degrading. I didn't know what Giada had that I didn't. I thought Charles really did like me for who I was; he made me believe that my imperfections were more than perfect, and that my past was something he could accept.

"What are you thinking about, Cami?" Max pressed his lips against my head. I sighed. The same thing which was bothering me an hour ago, was still bothering me now. Forcing Max to deal with my bullshit feelings was harsh and I didn't want to drag him into something he didn't need to be involved in. I knew that he wanted me to be okay, and that meant so much to me, but I hated myself for impacting his feelings too.