dancing on my own | kenma kozume | fluff/angst

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"i'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh. i'm right over here, why can't you see me?"
-robyn

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  when you'd first met kenma kozume, you thought nothing of him. yeah, sure he was hella quiet but other than that, no distinctive impression of him formed. the only thing you knew about him was holy bloody damn, his best friend kuroo was hot.

  he was a curiosity, really. shy, always playing games. it intrigued you, his indifference to the current trends, the main crowd, how everything basic pissed him off. it was unique and he stood out like he never wanted to.

  however, your useless ass started out with liking kuroo anyway. i mean, it wasn't a crush, but more of just an eye candy. but it was the thing that eventually drew you towards him. because looking at kuroo meant looking at kenma since heck, they were always together. inseparable at all costs.

  and all of a sudden, you found yourself texting kenma just to get kuroo's number. upon first texting him, you were judging his pokemon profile picture and over-formal tone. he was all like "Yes, I am Kenma. Who are you?" and "Oh, I don't think I know you." it was way too formal. maybe it was a thing he did with people he didn't know but nevertheless.

  after finally obtaining kuroo's number, it was strange because you didn't have the guts to text him anyway. all that happened was that you got even closer to kenma just talking about video games and how many people you couldn't stand in school. and oh heavens, finally he started texting without the punctuation.

  but seeing him in real life? a tremendous difference from who he was over text. over text, he was constantly irritated, ranting to you about everything going on in school, telling you about all the people he didn't like and it was always so hilarious to talk to him because he held no words back and was the definition of straightforward. in real life, however, shy, reserved, never looking up.

  on any social media platform that you were following him, he basically posted nothing but memes and video games. he was kind of adorable when he posted some things actually. you always judged him, of course, but damn, it was hard to do that when all he posted was pure vanilla without any weird intentions.

it sucked that you'd never talked to him face-to-face in real life. you really wanted to get to know him but it seemed like the only person he ever was with was kuroo.

until cohort camp at least, where your cohort spent 3 days and 2 nights together.

at cohort camp, there were multiple activities which required running around, screaming, people bumping into each other and social interaction that wasn't desired by kenma. like captain's ball at 8 in the morning? no thank you, he wasn't around the whole time. where was he, you may ask? in the toilet alone with his phone that he'd snuck in instead of giving it up to the teachers.

it was during this camp where you were forced to admit to yourself that he was the best thing ever. all the reflections, all the fun, the games and the short stares? perfect.

well, that's what you thought, at least. short stares? what? him looking in your direction all day? was that it?

it was all fun and games until he texted you the night the camp was over.

"do you have (g/n)'s number?"

(g/n) was a girl you were with basically the whole camp. it sucked, because you now were aware this was who he was interested in. he wasn't staring at you after all. if anything, he was staring way past you.

but because you liked to see him happy, you texted back, "i can get it for you."

"thank you so much i just wanted to thank her for being so nice to me and curing my boredom temporarily i was almost going to go through kuroo's phone to see if he had it"

so he was that desperate. yeah, did hurt. fucking tons, actually.

  your relationship with him wasn't particularly known by anyone either since you didn't talk to at all in real life. it was just a secret. no one knew the both of you talked. it was just a really nice secret. you doubted his friends knew you talked as well.

  stage 2 of heartbreak was brought about by the pictures sent of the cohort camp.

  the 'cohort' camp wasn't essentially a 'cohort' camp actually. it was a camp of both the first and second years, and (g/n) was a first year.

  every single picture, kenma kozume who didn't like socialising, didn't ever speak, who no one acknowledged because of his timid personality was making an effort to speak to (g/n) with all his intense stares, shy gestures and everything else. it really did hurt. all that time you thought maybe he was staring at you, he was looking way past, at a girl that had overtaken you a long time ago.

so look way past me.

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