"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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January
I can't tell you how I have still... after all this time managed to keep my condition to myself.
I'm coasting down the highway back from a Doctor's appointment. The baby is doing great. Sam's health is fantastic. All her levels are balanced now so, I'm definitely happy about that.
Healthy mom means a healthy baby.
Samantha flips through the satellite radio channels unsatisfied with the music. She shuts it off.
I might as well tell her now.
"Baby, I gotta tell you something" I begin, at this point, I need to get it over with.
"Hmm" she tilts her head gazing my way.
"I never told you my test results from my psychiatrist evaluation... I..." I hesitate still, even knowing she's not going to judge me. It's still embarrassing.
"I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder" I admit swallowing my spit.
"Can you educate me on them, baby? I know like sorta what bipolar disorder is but no idea the second"
I drop my head in shame "I don't know but I have a ton of paperwork on it. Honestly, I hadn't read it. I don't want to" I sigh glad to be close to home though.
"We can go over it together" she suggests with a smile.
"It's nothing to feel bad about. Everybody has something wrong with them, ykno..." she rubs my shoulders.
"As long as every day you're trying to be a better person then that's all that matters to me." She ensures making me feel a bit better.
"I have to get used to it myself. When the doctor told me... I zoned out... next thing I know he's handing me this paper with all these pills I'm supposed to take. It makes me feel shitty" I shake my head easing to a stop for the red light.
"Well, I love you no matter what. If you need me to help remind you to take your medicine or if you decide you wanna quit the shit after a while, I'm going to support you either way" she reminds me caressing the side of my face.
"its nothing we can't conquer together" she adds.
I know she was right but it's still difficult for me to accept my diagnosis.
To makes matters worse, Ophelia's car is parked on the curb by the house. It's Tuesday. She came on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the wedding planning.
After last weekends awkward encounter with her and Sam and B and I, I wasn't looking forward to this.
On the bright side it was our last day; just to tie up any loose ends.
I am actually excited. I am relieved that all I have to do now is wait for the big day. Samantha still has to find her dress a month or two after the baby.. But I'm all squared away.
