"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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Samantha
I say "I'm fine" maybe if I actually meant it, it could be a bit more convincing. I try to mentally be okay with the idea of this being my last time seeing January as much as I could but my heart was telling me that option was nearly unattainable. I try to smile- I couldn't.
I'll never stop waiting.
"You sure you're okay?" January probed. I nod offering her a weak smile. The cold nighttime draft made me shiver in this little dress I was wearing. "I love you, okay but this is for the best." She insists leaning her back on my car. I just couldn't see her logic; no matter how hard I tried to decipher it.
'I don't give a fuck about Aidan'I kept thinking to myself.
"Yeah, I love you too" I response eyeing the ground. The silence amongst us was dead and dark like the parking lot we both stood in. "So, this is the end of us?" I lean next to her wrapping my arms around myself rubbing my sides thinking about how much a jacket would be rather warming right now. Her head was low as I could only imagine she was thinking of how to reply and spare my feelings at the same time. "I don't know" she admits kicking a pine cone across the road.
I suppose maybe had I said a 'break' that would have to produce a more valid answer from the girl right beside me. "I don't know" she spurts shaking her head. I wish she would just say it's the end. There is no need for these loopholes or being around the bush. She looks up at me with her big chocolate eyes that I had fallen so deeply in love with "Aren't you happy?" she questions.
There was a million and one thing I could say or do right now. I could shriek from the pinnacle of my lungs, plummet to my knees, and beg for her to give us a chance but my pride was too high for that. I'll be waiting on the day that she finally makes up her mind "Sometimes" I stammer.
"Could you at least act like you are then" Her incline of voice caught me off guard. "Why are you yelling at me? Don't yell at me like seriously. Just tell me to leave him. Fight for me, January. Choose me!" I point to myself staring her down; she wouldn't even look at me. "It's not that easy" she retorts.
I scuff crossing my arms. "Maybe this is the end of us" she mumbles under her breath. I uncross my arms ready to burst into tears "you don't mean that" I stress. My button lip quivers "Of course I don't, but I don't fucking know what to do. You're about to marry him. Don't let me fuck that up." She states checking her phone.
She looks at me for the first time since we've been out here "you should go" she sputtered. "oh" I choke feeling tears swelling behind my eyes. The bastards were ready to spill over like an overflowing pot, and that's what they did. A single tear drizzled down my cheek immediately followed by another and another.
I couldn't stop the sob I somehow crumbled into. It came like storm subtle at first then completely out of control. "Sam, stop it" I throw myself in her arms asking why it had to be this way. Her eyes slowly aspects every inch of my face.
