"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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Samantha
I lick the blunt until it is moist taking the blade from off the bathroom floor where I sat against the sink cutting a line from butt to tip. I slide all the brown flakes into the toilet taking the blunt wrap, and licking the edges to seal up any small tears. I fold it in the center like you would when rolling a joint spreading the weed evenly down the length of the blunt.
I shape, fold and roll upward tucking the shorter side of the wrap around the pot, then continue rolling it licking the remaining paper lengthwise and press down carefully. I smile myself while spinning the blunt, running the flame of my lighter up and down it. Now, after all, that hard work... this is the best part. I place it between my lips sparking my lighter holding the flame up to the tip.
You've been on my mind
I've been tryna let it go
I've been tryna find
Something' as incredible
As you and I
But that's a never
No feeling can compare to you
You just got to let me know
Can I hit it again?
I watch the hot shower steam fill the area. I had shoved a towel underneath the door so none of the smoke would run out. I used to do this all the time when I was younger.
Can I hit it again?
Can I hit it again?
Can I hit it again?
I've been staying high to cope with what I was going through.
"Fuck! I'm out of papers" I mumble to myself fumbling my hand in the shoebox I kept my stash hoping to find more, but I didn't. I lay on the bathroom floor hitting the blunt, hard feeling my subconscious mind silence.
The drug has taken me higher... up, up and up to that soft cloud I loved. That place up high where I didn't focus on particular tasks or people. I was on that free cloud where none of the dark thoughts fluctuating around in my head existed.
I was not scared of falling for January, and I truly wanted to love her with all of my heart. If things were to go well, then I would have loved her. I never asked myself 'what if,' as in what if I don't end up loving her. Life is full of risks, I was willing. Now that I've given up, in come the negative thoughts. I can't think straight, and I am heated.
This negative energy makes me feel like the essence of my existence, the good in me is being destroyed.
