"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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January
Lailah should count her lucky stars and it's not like I don't feel bad for what I did to her. We have a lot of history. I was getting myself into a lot of trouble when I was dealing with her. I was hurt. I knew I wanted to be with Sam deep down and I couldn't understand how shit was without her. I was honestly destroyed in the inside and I turned to drugs and alcohol.
I have plenty of nights that I cannot remember for the life of me; most of it is a blur. Majority of it is a blur.
If Lailah really wanted to say some shit, she had dirt for days. That's where I am confused. I just wanted to know what her intentions were but also understand everything doesn't need an answer. Somethings are better left unknown.
I had one thing left to do.
I was going to permanently end things between Lailah and I. I was starting a new chapter of my life with Samantha.
I had a ball in my throat; my heart was racing around thumping against my ribcages. I was scared. I did not even have the slightest clue of what I was going to say. All I knew is I just wanted to put an end to all the leftover baggage. I was engaged and that was that.
I was not going to spend the rest of my life bottling up my mistakes wishing Lailah just would have realized I was trying the best I could. I'm sick of wondering about the things that transpired between us when I can barely even connect the dots.
Samantha excuses herself, allowing us to have some privacy. Her steps resonate down the hall; the sound fades away. I could feel my heart stiffen and my sweat production system kick in; nerves pulsing my skin.
I took a deep breath "Lailah" I begin, I couldn't believe I did that to her face.
"You want to start this conversation off?" I question, pushing my hair behind my ears.
"Not really" she admits. I smear my sweaty palms across my black joggers.
She awkwardly stands about "Oh, okay. Well, the party is over now. We agreed that's when you would leave" I inform scratching my neck- you could cut the tension with a knife. "I know." she nods looking at me with saddened eyes.
"Can we go somewhere more private?" she pleads looking around.
"Yeah, yeah" I lead her outside; everything was the same. The decorations untouched bringing back so many memories; I block it out. I shut the double door and we sit on the pool chairs.
I peer over at balloons and bottles floating in the pool like a dead carcass. As if it smelt, the memories mask my brain all in one quick flash. I tell myself this is inevitable and it must be done. I go inside my pocket pulling out a small ziplock bag and places it in her hand.
