Fallen Angels (UNEDITED)

LXXXI

You and I, we were made to thrive
And I am your future, I am your past
Never forget that we were built to last
~ You Me At Six, Take On The World

Like the tour before, the cities start to blur together.

A new destination each day with a new crowd, but the same energy each time.

The boys are tired, but are still giving it their all and living in the moment.

"Where are we going now?" I question as the bus sways ever so slightly from the wind howling outside.

"Virginia Beach," Kyle calls out from his bunk above me.

It is one of those nights where everyone is awake, but no one wants to talk, just sit there in silence.

Erik's silhouette is outlined by the dim light of his phone as he texts away.

Kyle is watching some type of comedy from the dull sound of fake laughter while Lucas is reading a book.

I am not able to see what Devon is doing, but he's probably texting Caroline about when she will be able to come to a show with Aaron.

Everyone has their curtain open, even Devon whose light filled the narrow hallway, everyone but Isla. Her curtain is drawn shut and only a sliver of light escapes through the crack.

She has been acting weird since the show when I asked her who she was texting.

She is being secretive and even Kyle has begun to notice it.

None of us have approached her about it but instead have given her space.

I just fear the worst which isn't fair for Isla as she is the sweetest girl and always looks after everyone else.

Hopefully, she will open up soon.

I turn back to the gossip article about a fashion event my mother had attended with no sign of her daughter anywhere. The article had gone on to say they hadn't seen the two of us together at an event in almost a year while she had been spotted with Katie Myers, my ex-best friend and Will's sister.

I stare at the photo of them at brunch, something I used to be dragged out for and to see how happy my mother is stings. She looks genuinely happy with Katie, something I have never seen.

A text message pops up on my screen from Erik, who's now looking up at me.

Three simple words, are you okay?

I nod my head yes at him but my phone buzzes once again, now with a different message.

You're crying.

I pat my face to feel the wet tears that I hadn't noticed slip out.

No point in lying now.

I simply shake my head no at him.

Erik pats the sliver of space beside him and motions with his head for me to join him.

These are the moments when I wish we weren't on a bus, but rather in my bed back in LA. Cozied up under my comforter listening to The Beatles in the background as we enjoy each other's company and not having to mind other people in the same environment.

I shake my head no, not wanting to disturb the rest of the bus with problems I should have gotten over a long time before.

Everyone has been great with giving us space and allowing us to have the bus for ourselves for a few minutes and we return the favour to them, but it isn't the same as being completely alone.

I roll over to my side and face the wall now covered in my favourite photos of Erik and me, many of which were taken on this tour with a few from the first one I joined them on. Of course, there are photos of the other members and group photos sprinkled across the wall, but none of them compare to the photos of Erik and me.

The way he smiles at me with so much love and respect, it shows in every crease of his smile.

I feel the mattress dip at the edge.

Rolling over I see Erik leaning his forearms on the mattress while kneeling on the ground to peer into my bunk.

I fully roll onto my side to look at him and the concern is written across his face.

He doesn't say anything as he lifts the cover up and maneuvers his way into the bunk.

Lying on our sides, chest to chest I can feel his breathing matching mine.

"What happened?" Erik whispers to me.

Like all the times before his body blocks most of the surrounding light, casting us in complete darkness in my little bunk, but it isn't claustrophobic.

"Just some dumb article about my mom," I mumble, trying to brush it off.

Erik hates when I get upset over things with my family, especially if it relates to my parents.

Since that phone call I had with her, she hasn't called me, but her lawyer has. Letting me know that I was taken out of the will.

I wasn't surprised when I got that phone call.

"What was it about this time?"

"Me."

Erik is silent, but I can make out his jaw clenching, thanks to knowing the little things about him.

"It's okay Erik, I don't even know why I am getting upset."

"I think we both know why you are getting upset and that's okay, you always wanted something with your parents but now that you know there is no chance in that happening. This isn't something that's going to heal overnight, but it's something you can slowly start to let go of when you are ready."

I felt like shit for crying about my parents in front of Erik or even bringing them up in conversation because of everything he went through, all the pain and neglect he suffered at the hands of his parents.

Yet, he still strokes my tears away and kisses my forehead for support.

I had thought I had finally moved on from my parents and the girl I used to be, but here I am crying like I am at a funeral, but in a way I am.

Mourning what could have been rather than what was.

That's what sets the tears flooding and emotions of mourning, the what ifs and could have beens.

I could care less about being axed from the will or my mother blacklisting me from social events, it is the missed opportunities and future I won't have with my family.

"What are you thinking about?"

"All the what-ifs that could have had happened, but never will with what's supposed to be the most important people in our lives."

"Those people are around you right now and a simple text message away in that little group chat of yours, they are your family. Not those fuckers back in Boston." I laugh slightly at Erik, "it's us against the world, Ray."

Edited by GirlReader133