Author: @ItsPatience
Reviewer: @SheWritesWonderss
Cover:
I don't think the cover goes all that well with the story. It makes it look like this is a story revolcing around "that one hot guy who wants the girl." Your story is so much more than that and your cover should represent that! There's plenty of outstandung graphic shops to choosd from if you want to look for someone to make one for you.
Description:
Your description captivated me and summarized your story wuthout giving too much away. Good job!
Grammar/Spelling/Sentence Construction:
Your Grammar was spot on, and you kept in the correctverb tense for nearly the whole story.
Some words had spaces inbetween them when they shouldn't of. You can fix these errors through Grammarly or Hemingway Editor (both are free to use, and only one requires download)
In some instances you had run-on sentences, or you used a comma wrong. This can make your writing look sloppy. Fixing these through proof reading or an editor (like the ones mentioned above) will elevate the perception your reader's have of your writing skills. Plus, it makes your book lool way more professional!
Every few chapters you forgot to seperate two differentnpeople talking with a paragraph breaker.
Diction:
Your comidical lines and curses kept me hooked!
Compliments:
I liked the comedy and the commentery. Made it a funny read!
Other:
You used hyphens (-) where they didn't need to be used and forgot to put them where they needed to be used. Using hyphens can be confusing, so I see this mistake alot when I grade papers at school and stories here on Wattpad. Here are the rules for using hyphens in your writing: https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/hyphens.asp
You TOLD us alot about your character. However, I think you could get you story even more intriguing if you SHOWED us. In chapter 2 you say, "I throw on some blue jeans and a sweater, I'm pretty casual when I have or want to." (These should also be two seperate sentences) instead of telling us this, use some indirect characterization and have her dress casual throughout the book. When she wants to wear a dress, let her fancy herself up ;) This shows the reader that she dances to the beat of her own drum when she dresses. She wears what she wants to wear when she wants to wear it, and if someone has a problem with that they can shove it!
Repeating the same exact words when Meg explained to Mya the rules of the starboy competiton wasn't the most creative way you could have handled it. Maybe you could have Meg already know the rules amd eventually she explains it her own way in her head or to someone else.
Your POV was an interesting way to write this story. I loved! However, I would italicized the parts where Miya is commenting in her 3rd person POV so that the reader cam differientiate the two different POVs.
One thing I noticed is when you would introduce a character then you would go, "Yes, that Josh Adams." That's finr to do once or twice ever 5 chapters or so, but when you do it with nearly every character it gets extremely annoying and redundant.
In Chapter 7, you had in Miya's dialouge "atm." I know that means at the moment, but does she actually say the letters atm, or did she say at the moment. I wouldn't use acronyms in your story OR dialouge unless it's through a character's text messages. It makes your writing look sloppy and lazy.
Recomendation:
Starboy is a book that will keep you laughing! It definatly packs a punch (pun there with her boxing skills) and is sure to trap you in all the drama! It does have some curse words, so if you get easily offended by the occasional F-bomb maybt this isn't the best choice for you.
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