REVIEW 33 : QUEEN OF TRIVELIA

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AUTHOR : @fangirl4eva21

REVIEWER: Lirusen

Lovely cover - it seems quite fantastical. The summary is very intriguing, especially beginning with 'We were destined to be queens'. Along with the title, I get an inkling of how literal that is. However, that's the only time I infer that the story is fantasy, other than looking at the tags. I would suggest implying more what relevance it has - the cover and the summary seem quite different to each other.

You've done well to start off with a newspaper article, because not only does the reader get an impression of what Emma Morris is like, but also how most people think of her.

Describing Lexi's adoration towards Emma seems quite repetitive, especially when also describing this connection she seems to have with her. It seems like this connection is how the plot progresses, but how do we know, as the reader, that the connection is not the same as what any other dedicated fourteen year old fan experiences? So instead of repeating a second time of the connection being deep in her heart, describe exactly what it is that makes Lexi so drawn to Emma other than her dad's love for her as well. As an alternative idea, you could even imply how the connection is interpreted by others as your average teenage obsession and that Lexi knows it's different, but you still need to clearly differentiate Lexi's connection from it (these are only suggestions). Repetition is a good technique to use, but in this case it seemed rather unnecessary.

A similar case when learning about her father's death. It's the second thing we know about the main character and immediately I'm given this information about the car crash and how devastated Lexi was through many statements that just seem to be reworded - they're redundant, unnecessary.

It's also quite abrupt - why not introduce this a little slower rather than straight up give us the information surrounding her father's death? Remember to show, not tell. Describe how Lexi reacted to it, maybe don't even reveal that he passed away until later on in the chapter - it maintains some of that suspense, and us as readers are intrigued, because we want to know more about Lexi's backstory and it keeps us reading. In that same paragraph, you give us a few memories with her father -- that's brilliant. Makes me relate and connect to the main character more.

As we move on in the prologue, we see her love for nature -- nice description. Maybe vary your vocabulary more; when describing the lake, you used the word 'lake' three times, so perhaps try to use synonyms or maybe hone in on particular features. At the end of the chapter, you mention Lexi having a tattoo of a crown? From what I've read so far, Lexi is around 13 years old, so how could she get a tattoo? The story is fantasy, so is there more to this tattoo than we know? Was Lexi born with it? Maybe give a little more detail about it, because when reading it for the first time, it suggests that Lexi actively got the tattoo, and that itself seems unlikely (I don't think you were intending this, since you were using the wizard tattoo prompt). This is ambiguous, and simply confuses me.

And the main character thinks she's related to Emma - how? Again, this could be a typical teenage obsession, so are there any particular unique features that they share that signify it? If it's the tattoo, then maybe make it clearer that it's what makes her think they're related.

Chapter 1 - POV change! We're plunged into a new scene immediately, and Lexi's terror becomes apparent quickly. Good description. It's quite fast-paced, and the dream overall seems to be foreshadowing.

In Chapter 2 (spoiler alert!), we discover Emma's dead, according to the news, Lexi's crying and then she's suddenly chanting a verse (looks like a spell) and tries to transport herself to Trivelia - and again I'm confused. Is this intentional? We don't know what Trivelia is yet, and Lexi herself seems to be going with the flow in Chapter 3 when ending up in Qaka instead, so where's the verse from? How does she know how to chant it? With this five year gap from the prologue to the first chapter, we don't know what's happened, which makes it pretty confusing for us. Withholding information is good, but these chapters in succession are so fast-paced and abrupt that I can't get my head around it.

Your grammar is fine for the most part, though there are a fair few errors (but no mistakes being repeated).

You have a wonderful premise - being apparently related to a famous actor who has disappeared while simultaneously having the same tattoo. Though there are many things that could be corrected, it is a lovely book to read.

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