____________________________
I fear what others consider to be "weird" things,
But I can never ignore the panic that all of them bring
The future, love, not being good enough,
Relationships, and all of the phobia stuff
They scare me,
They do nothing short of terrorize me
Sometimes I can't breathe
It feels like someone is stepping on my throat
I'm heaving and heaving, but my chest still feels cold
Panic
Sometimes, the panic gets so bad when
I have to just close my eyes and count to ten
The pressure fucking hates me
It downright suffocates me
I hate this feeling
It does nothing less than leave my mind reeling
Because all of the possibilities that I'm seeing
Are decomposing me,
They'll be the death of me
It feels like I'm dying
When it hits, it hits hard
Waking up in the middle night with this pain in my heart
To stop the shaking,
To stop my whole world from quaking,
I count to ten,
Or else the monsters will come again
I don't have it in me to cry in front of Ethan again
____________________________
Bi-Curious
Chapter 24:
"Count to Ten"
Charlie
"Dinner's ready!" I announce, setting a plate down for everyone at the bar. "Does anyone want some lemonade, grape juice, water, milk, or alcohol?"
"Alcohol!" O'Malley cheers as she enters the kitchen.
"Lemonade sounds lovely." Scout smiles at me and sits down.
I get everyone their refreshments before getting myself some lemonade, deciding getting drunk and sentimental with Ethan once in the week is enough. Thankfully I was able to get him off of the subject. All it did was make me feel bad. We just wouldn't work out, no matter how much I want us to.
Sitting down, I curse and get up and grab more napkins to put in the napkin holder. I turn off the oven and the stove, silently berating myself for almost forgetting before finally sitting down to eat beside Ethan.
Ethan opens his beer with a bottle opener and O'Malley taps the counter with her nails. "Beer me up, butt boy. Wait, is that offensive?"
"Uh...." I scratch my head. "That's up to Ethan."
"Just don't say it to strangers." He chuckles and slides the bottle opener across the counter to her.
"Got it. Thanks."
Scout digs into her food, eating like a wild animal, her mouth already covered in sauce.
I chuckle, not wanting to make her self conscious, so I decide to let her clean up when she's ready. "How is it?"
"Real damn good." O'Malley says, taking a bite.
"My tongue is numb." Scout offers.
Ethan moans. "I want to shove this," he swallows, "up my ass."
"Why not buy a dildo?" I blush, looking away to continue eating.
YOU ARE READING
Bi-Curious (BoyxBoy)
RomanceLocal bad boy, Ethan Dechart, is starting to get worried about his friends as they start getting him into more and more trouble. Luckily, he's saved when he meets a new friend who shows him that he doesn't have to put up with his crew. College fres...
