Was my love not good enough

chapter33

I keep hoping for this abuse and manipulation to end. I always had this faith that one day he'll wake up and realize that what he's been putting me through has been destructive and painful for me to live through, and he will recognize the damage done, and will love me enough to begin to treat me with kindness, consideration, respect, and love. but that was my heart just talking. But my head knows how foolish and unrealistic these hopes are.when I am dealing with Carlos. Carlos never take responsibility. He never feel sorry.he never believes he is at any fault. Most importantly, he never change.carlos is a self seeker. Self serving. Self centered. Self absorbed. Entitled. That's just the simple and endlessly disappointing truth. After seven years of pouring all your heart, soul, mind, and energy into this one person I've loved to the best of my ability though... How does a woman come to terms with the fact that she will never get that kind of love in return? How impossible. Can't wrap my mind around how anyone can be so closed minded, inconsiderate, and overall heartless. I have a choice. I just need to find the courage to choose happiness. At some point I need to put myself first. Put one foot in front of the other, and just do something about it. I just keep telling myself that happiness is a choice. I keep telling myself that I deserve to experience a full happy healthy life as much as anybody. It's just exhausting when the one who is supposed to love you tries so hard to blame me, shame me, and is constantly gaslighting me to distort my entire reality. As scary as it is for me to even think about letting go... It's due time for me to take my life back. I'm not helpless. Maybe just a little exhausted, and lazy. Again, I know I have a choice. In everything. I have a choice.To rediscover myself. To feel young, gorgeous, and inspire again. rather than my current feelings of being young,dum,tired, and worthless. I been stuck in this rut for far too long. Time for change.