The Choices We Make (Revenge)

Julian

Suffolk County Memorial Hospital

Daniel couldn't remember a moment in his life where he had felt so desperate, helpless, and guilty. He was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, his head buried in his hands as the tears were running through his fingers. He still couldn't understand what had just happened. He had become a father. By an emergency c-section, Emily had given birth to a little boy who was fighting for his life in an incubator. Although he had been there for her during the birth progress most of the time, Emily refused to see him now. I deserve it, he thought. His anxiety, which had accompanied him all the months, had now been confirmed. Now that she could remember everything, she wanted nothing else to do with him. And presumably she would just leave him and take the baby with her if he was stronger. The baby! He groaned. They still hadn't have any name for him because they had believed to have time until the due date.

"Daniel!"

He looked up and recognized his mother, followed by his father and Charlotte.

"Mom ..." He got up slowly, then let himself embrace by her without resistance, while the tears were still running freely.

"We came as fast as we could," she said, squeezing him.

"How are Emily and the baby?" Charlotte gently put a hand on his shoulder.

He carefully freed himself from his mother's arms and wiped his eyes. "He ... he was too small to ... breathe on his own," he began. "He's lying in an incubator, with artificial respiration and drip-fed ..." He broke off when the memory of how he'd first seen his son, wired with tubes in his body, was simply too much to bear.

"Oh Daniel ..." Victoria squeezed him again. "How could that happen? Everything was all right."

He stepped back and shook his head. "She knows it ..." he began. "She can remember everything. She knows I shot her."

"Oh no ..." Charlotte slapped her hand to her mouth. "No wonder this caused a shock again."

"She ... doesn't want to see me." He ran through his hair with a trembling hand, then looked around for help. "What should I do?"

"You're not doing anything," Victoria ordered. "Will she report you to the police?"

He shook his head tiredly. "I don't know. But I don't care. I'd go to jail voluntarily, if I knew our little son survives and Emily forgives me."

"It doesn't have to happen that way," Conrad interrupted.

"She'll forgive you," Charlotte said urgently. "She's probably still in shock and has to process it all first." She looked at him with a frown. "Do you think she wants to see me?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It's worth a try. She's in room 5."

"I'll try my best," Charlotte promised, then went down the hall to Emily's room. As she entered the room, her gaze fell instantly upon the large bed where her sister-in-law lay pale and helpless. An infusion bottle dangled over her head, but no other life-support devices could be seen. Carefully, she came closer. "Hey" She said gently. "May I come in?" When Emily nodded weakly, she pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. "Congratulations!" She said with a forced smile. "You're a mother now."

"He's so ... tiny," Emily whispered. "I haven't even been able to see him yet. They put him right in an incubator." She wiped her eyes. "I don't know if he will survive."

"Don't say that, Emily!" Charlotte took her hand and squeezed it. "He's a fighter. All Graysons are fighters." She saw Emily turning her head sideways, tears running down her cheeks. "Hey!" She gently wiped the tears away. "He will survive. Believe me."

Emily looked at her. "Have you spoken to Daniel?"

Charlotte swallowed the lump that had formed. Should she tell Emily the truth? "I ... knew it already," she then confessed quietly. She saw Emily's head jerking. "He told us right after the wedding, after you ..." She broke off, shrugging helplessly. "I didn't believe him at first. Daniel would never deliberately hurt someone."

"But he did," Emily interjected.

"He had just learned that Sara had tried to kill herself. And then he must have listened to the conversation with you and my mother. He swears that he hadn't intentionally planned it. He hadn't wanted to hurt you. The gun had been directly in front of him. He doesn't know how it got there." She looked at Emily questioningly. "Do you know where the gun came from?"

"No, and I don't care," she said quickly to avoid a further interrogation. "The fact of the matter is that he shot me!"

"That's months ago. He has become a different person since then," Charlotte said urgently. "He loves you, Emily! I think he always has, even then, when you weren't always honest with him."

Emily nodded lost in thought. "Please, go now, Charlotte!" she begged. "I'm tired."

"Of course." She jumped up and squeezed Emily's hand. "Think about what I said. If you don't want to do it for Daniel, then do it for the baby."

When Charlotte had left, Emily was sitting in the bed, thinking about everything her sister had told her. She thought back to the moment Daniel had held her hand when the labor pains had become unbearable. He had accompanied her through all phases of the birth, until the doctors had given her the anesthesia that had been necessary before the emergency c-section. Instinctively, she knew that he had said the truth when he had claimed to love her. And she felt the same, even if she persuaded herself that it wasn't the case. But was love alone enough to undo what he had done? Could she ever trust him again under these circumstances? She knew she wanted nothing more than to be with him again. She was aware that this moment must have been a shock to him too. She shook her head slightly. It is too soon, she thought. Too soon to face him now. His deception was too profound to forgive him just yet. She reached for the call button and pressed it. A nurse appeared immediately.

"Can I see ... my son?" She asked hesitantly.

The nurse nodded. "But just a few minutes. You are not strong enough to leave the bed for a long time." She took the wheelchair and helped Emily into after hanging the infusion bottle onto a rack. Together, they went to the neonatal ward, where all the babies lay in their incubators, kept alive by tubes and life support machines.

The sight was so heartbreaking that Emily felt tears in her eyes. "Where is he?" She looked at the nurse questioningly.

"Right here." She pointed to an incubator that was right in the front row. "Baby Grayson, an unusual name," she said smiling, after reading the name tag.

"We thought we had plenty of time," Emily said weakly. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she looked at her little son, who was lying weak and helpless in his glassy crib. Tubes led into his nose and mouth and a heart monitor monitored his breathing. Although he was so tiny, he looked like a real baby. Even a fair fluff of hair could be seen on his little head.

"It's always a shock for parents to see their child the first time," the nurse said sympathetically. "But don't worry. He still needs some help with breathing and nutrition, but otherwise he is healthy."

Emily wiped her eyes. "He's so tiny and ... fragile," she stammered.

"There are much smaller premature babies," the nurse said. "He'll catch up quickly." She gently squeezed Emily's hand. "I'll bring you back to your room now. Perhaps you can find a name for him soon?"

Emily nodded and tried to remember what names she and Daniel had opted for. There had been different names, but she chose spontaneously. "Julian," she decided. "Julian Conrad Grayson!"

The nurse nodded, smiling. "What a lovely name! I'll write it on the name tag."

"Can I make a phone call?" Emily asked, after the nurse had helped her back into her bed.

"Of course." She pointed to the phone next to Emily's bed. "Call whoever you want." She smiled at her again and then left the room.

Lost in thought, Emily stared at the phone, before she began to dial ..