Paper Thin

• 105: Ringing •

Melody

The room felt as if all the air had suddenly been sucked out of it. It was like time had slowed down to watch me struggle to bring every little bit of oxygen to my lungs. My chest felt heavy like a load of cement was sitting on it. The ringing was back. In my ears, louder than ever.

I tried to focus.

Breathe in... breathe out...

His presence filled the room.

Breathe in... breathe out...

His cheek and jaw were swollen and bruised.

Breathe in...

He walked slowly, scanning.

Breathe in...

His piercing blue eyes locked with mine.

Breathe...

I broke eye contact, feeling his grasp on my body though he stood across the room.

I can't breathe.

My eyes burned and I blinked quickly, fighting tears.

I can't breathe.

"You okay?" Emma's voice sounded far away, though she was leaning in towards me.

"I – yeah. I-I need air. I have to—" I got up quickly, my legs feeling like as if they weren't attached to me. I felt that floating feeling, like in the car, but tenfold. It was like I was barely in my body. I headed towards the door, ignoring the stares of my classmates.

"Melody?" Ms. Foster's voice was so faint that I hardly registered it as I rushed into the hallway.

I didn't know how but I found myself inside a custodial closet near the art hall. The bathroom felt like too much right now. Too open. Too many people. Too much of a reminder of what happened.

With the closet door locked and in almost complete darkness, I let myself fall apart. My knees buckled and I let my knees find the floor. A sob ripped through my chest and made its way out of my mouth, sounding strangled and foreign. Tears were no longer burning my eyes as they now flowed freely down my face, a rushing river of anguish. I wrapped my arms around my torso, as if it would hold me together.

This is all too much. How can I face him every day? How can I stay here? I can't do this every day. It's all too much. How could he do that? Was it something I did? I can't breathe this is all too much what did I ever do to deserve this my lungs will never get air again–

My mind swirled with a million thoughts so fast I wasn't able to catch one long enough to dwell on it. My breath was shallow and shaky, and my body trembled.

I must have done something. Your ass got bigger! I told you a fat ass was better to hold to. I gained weight I shouldn't have gained weight I don't think I can ever eat again. Fat ass Didi. I think thewallsareclosinginonme. FatassDidi. I wish my mother were here. Ican'tbreatheIcan't –

A knock on the door startled me.

I glanced up to the tiny window on the door that shed a tiny bit of light into the room. Ms. Foster's face was behind the glass, watching me with worried eyes. I sighed, mad at myself for having a meltdown. Mad at myself for feeling this way. Mad at myself for even being in a position to feel this way.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

I slowly got up and unlocked the door, letting in my extremely observant art teacher. I was surprised to see her, wondering why she cared enough to find me.