Paper Thin

• 30: The Rain •

Melody

Sneaking out.

That was my plan, and it made me nervous to think about it. But what I needed to do I couldn't do here. I waited until every last one of Margot's friends had left the house, before going upstairs. I had to make it seem like I was getting ready for bed. I let the water run in the shower while I changed out of my dress and into leggings and a baggy hoodie. I then turned it off and took off my makeup and jewellery. I then washed my face, threw my hair up into a ponytail and put on a pair of sneakers.

I was all too grateful for the balcony in front of my window. I used it to go out on my roof from time to time, but now I was going to figure out how to climb down. I opened the doors and stepped out into the rainy and crisp, night air. Seeing the ivy and ledges to my left, I climbed over the wet railing and stepped on to the ledge. I climbed down as slowly and carefully as I could.

When I made it to the ground, I let the feelings I'd been holding back all night engulf me. My sneakers beat angrily against the cold, damp pavement, lit by the street lamps. And though I knew it was stupid, I once again found myself running to the park across from Carson's house. The only difference was that this time, I was wearing a hoody, so I could blend into the night, and he wouldn't recognize me.

My body felt so heavy and horrible, even though I was just starting to exercise the calories away. My stomach felt full and sloshy. I could feel tears in my eyes as I jogged down the hill to the garbage bin that was right beside the pond. It was hidden from the neighbourhood surroundings by tall bushes and trees that hadn't began shedding their leaves. It was why I came here. With the added blur of the rain, no one could know what I was about to do. It was far too embarrassing to admit the fact that I was too weak to resist the temptation that was making me unsuccessful, unattractive, and unlovable.

"You look like the devil's mistress."

"Like someone actually wanted to go out with you last night. I don't think so. Look at you and look at me."

Words, like hot knives danced around my mind, taunting me. Tears rolled down my cheeks, blending with the rain on my skin, and my breath was unsteady. Slowly, my shaking hand reached towards my mouth. I drew it back slightly, suddenly unsure if I could do it.

Don't be weak Melody, a voice in my mind said.

I let out a ragged sob and let a pointed finger pass between my lips. Before I could take it back, I triggered my gag reflex and just like that, the bitter reminder of my day, spilled into the garbage can in front of me. My tears were hot as they stained my cheeks while I wiped my mouth with a napkin that I had put in my pocket on the way out. I threw it into the trash and walked out of the bushes and to the bench looking at the pond.

I placed my foot on the waterlogged wood and stretched one leg and then the other before doing jumping jacks. After a hundred, I ran laps. My feet felt disconnected from my body. It was like I could see my surrounds changing but I wasn't part of the process of getting there; almost like watching a movie through someone else's eyes.

My tears blurred with the rain that soaked my face and hair. I couldn't see; I couldn't breathe; but I couldn't stop running.

"If you're really going to sit around and eat a greasy lunch ... won't help with the boyfriend situation."

My chest was tight. It was like breathing bricks instead of oxygen.

"Look at you and look at me."

I was spinning out of control like a broken merry-go-round. Dizzy. I felt so dizzy.

"You look fat."

Fat.

I was a damaged ballerina trapped in a music box. Dizzy. So dizzy.

Fat.

Suddenly my sneakers glided across the muddy ground beneath me. I hit the pavement and sat there trying to catch my breath, which was desperately trying to escape me. Though my body was racked with uncontrolled sobs, I managed to feel my phone vibrate in my front pocket. I held what little breath I had and pressed 'answer' robotically.

"Is that you outside?"

My hood probably fell off during jumping jacks or while running.

"Melody?"

I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't even seem to find myself. A soft sob escaped my lips and I pressed my hand to my mouth.

"Don't move."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and put the phone in my pocket. I didn't think I could move if I wanted to. I felt numb. And though my stomach was finally empty, the feeling of satisfaction was so temporary I barely experienced it. It was replaced by a hollowness that seemed to extend to even the furthest parts of my fingertips.

Warm hands touched my shoulders, startling me, but I was too exhausted to jump. I glanced slightly to my left though I knew who it was. It made it worse that it was him. He didn't deserve to see this. He deserved so much better, and I so much worse.

"Oh Mellie," he whispered, moving in front of me. I blinked, now taking in my surroundings. Carson was crouched and wrapping a blanket around me. He lifted me off the ground, which made me wince knowing that he would feel my weight. That he could feel my every imperfection. That he would feel how fat I was. I didn't protest, however. Having his arms around me felt like he was holding me together; keeping me from falling further apart.

____________

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's a short chapter but I hope you liked it anyways! Poor Melody! What do you think about what she did? What do you think about Carson's unending sweetness? Tell me what you think in the comments, and vote if you love it! :) Thanks for your reads and the support!