All American Boys

9. Green with Sadness

All American Boys

Chapter 9: Green with Sadness

I had to speak to Hayden. Isaac seemed to have hinted to me something that I had always suspected, but he wouldn't tell me. Besides, I would rather hear it from Hayden's own mouth. The following day, after I had calmed down I sent him a text message first thing in the morning, asking to meet up. I didn't wait for his reply, instead heading to my wardrobe to pick out what to wear. Ever since Emily not-so-subtly told me that I should begin to take care of my appearance since I had caught Cyril's eye, I began to consider my clothes carefully.

Although deep inside, I knew it wasn't Cyril's compliments that mattered to me.

Instead, it was some boy with a pair of sad green eyes who made me melt. The boy who held me while I wept. The boy who told me that it was going to be all right.

He sat with me on the sofa, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as I turned on some Netflix on my laptop. I wasn't bothered about what show we were watching, so I just let him choose. He chose some documentary – I never even recalled what it was. All I remembered was the clear waters and bright green kelp, matching the colour of his pretty eyes. We seemed to be staring at each other more than the screen.

But it never got anywhere further than that. He left after he made sure I had all but calmed down, but not before we exchanged numbers. That night he sent me a few messages asking if I was alright. Truth be told, I was really touched by it, and replied rather swiftly even though I was already in bed. We had a rather nice, sweet conversation, talking about things like our favourite songs and what food we liked.

I couldn't help but smile thinking about it. I wondered what clothes Isaac liked. I wondered if he had a type. So many things ran through my mind as I tried to pick out an outfit.

I tried to pick out something presentable. In the end I settled for a black floral shirt and a pair of khaki chinos.

When I went downstairs, my mom was making breakfast, dressed in a cardigan and loose trousers. She had the day off. At least breakfast wouldn't be so lonely. She had made four plates worth of food, which she did sometimes. Recently not so much, but from time to time she would. I guess that morning is just one of those days.

"Are you driving today or is Emily going to pick you up?" she asked when I sat myself down on my seat.

"I'll probably drive," I told her.

"Be careful then," she said as she picked up her coffee, her other hand looking at her phone.

I continued eating in silence. Mom had really changed ever since Alicia died. She used to be really cheerful and gregarious, someone that was easy to talk to. But not anymore. She just kept to herself nowadays, barely talking to me. I knew she didn't hate me, and she loves me as her son, but it hurt sometimes. Some days she would barely acknowledge me. She was also this way when dad died all those years ago, but Alicia had managed to get her out of that rut. I guess you could say Alicia really was the cornerstone of our family.

My mother was a strong woman, and I knew it. But to keep her going through the tough times she tended to come off as cold and distant. I knew I was already eighteen, that I'm old enough to take care of myself. But sometimes I wished she cold spare a bit more affection.

I hated when it came to this. I knew she loved me and she shows it sometimes, and I felt guilty and ungrateful for craving more. But was it wrong that I felt that way? That I wanted something to fill this crater deep in my heart in the wake of Alicia's passing? With a sad sigh, I just ate my breakfast – scrambled eggs and bacon.