Sunlight {Levi x Fem!Reader} [COMPLETE]

19: Haunted with Memories

  Levi's face went blank as you shared your heartache. You couldn't make out exactly what he was experiencing mentally, due to the nearly emotionless expression that was painted across his face. It was something you felt too familiar with. You thought to yourself that he must've been through a lot for him to act so unfazed. It seemed like the expression was used as a fire wall. While continuing to lay in the grass, just two feet away from Levi, the silence between the both of you felt like a suffocating disease.
  "I never had any siblings." Levi's voice was raspy. While looking over at him, his expression changed. He seemed like he desperately needed to keep talking, yet, he couldn't form the correct words.
  "I had two friends who I thought of as siblings." Levi gave away another small smile. Your eyes were locked on him. Your head turned to the side while his was laying comfortably, looking up at the luminous stratosphere. 
  "They died on our first expedition together as soldiers." Levi admitted, his voice torn. You could hear the heartbreak in his voice. You felt needle-like shivers run down the back of your neck and down your legs. You gaped at Levi, saddened. You instinctively grabbed Levi's hand that was laying across his stomach. You squeezed his hand out of comfort for him, but Levi continued to lay there; motionless. Levi startled you suddenly when he took his other hand and laid it on yours. He curled his fingers underneath yours, gripping them all together.
  "It was a long time ago. We were living in the Underground before we were captured by the Survey Corps." Levi smiled at you, it almost looked like a smirk as he recalled the deviant memory. He was hinting at the fact that he and yourself had both ended up in the Survey Corps through similar situations.
  "We would make money through stealing and openly completing odd jobs in order to survive. We agreed to steal from some merchants traveling through our city and got captured purposely. We were used as soldiers, placed into training and brought along on our first expedition." Levi took a breath. You could tell he was hesitant to speak any further. You allowed him to do as he chose and didn't want to push him. The silence of the forest and the tiny radiance of the moon was all just a blurry image as you kept all your attention on Levi.
  "Our mission was to kill Erwin. I was an angry guy in his early twenties who would've done whatever I needed to support myself and my friends if it meant getting out of the Underground." You were shocked to hear that was what his mission was. A wave of relief overcame you, as it was clear that Levi never fulfilled that mission. Even still, you frowned, expecting a shift.
  "But Erwin's fine. So what happened?" You asked, recalling when Levi stated he would've done anything to stay alive and get out of the Underground. Levi looked over at you with his gleaming marble grey eyes.
  "Erwin knew the entire time what our motives were." Levi chuckled to himself. You raised your eyebrows at him.
  "How are you not in prison right now?" You questioned, tittering along with Levi. He found it in him to give you another short-lived smile before it shifted back to his natural blankness.
  "During our expedition, it was pouring down with rain. I made the mistake of letting my selfishness get the best of me by making the three of us separate. I came across a group of soldiers who were killed by a Titan that swarmed them. When I came face to face with the Titan responsible, it had already killed them. Isabel and Farlan were dead." Levi expressed, revealing the names of his old companions. You inhaled deeply as you listened. It hurt to hear the pained words. You couldn't imagine how hard it was for him to tell you.
  "I fell into a rage and sliced the Titan nearly to pieces. I just stood there until morning, looking at Isabel and Farlan. Erwin and some other soldiers found me and he revealed that he knew all along what our plan was. He said something that showed me how being angry and losing control would only get me and those around me killed." Levi spoke once more, mulling over some thoughts before speaking again.
  "My selfishness and anger got Isabel and Farlan killed." Levi added on, meaning every word. You sat up, looking at Levi with a distressed expression.
  "Don't ever say that." You demanded, wanting Levi to understand that it wasn't his fault.
  "If it weren't for me being so bent up in rage, they'd be here right now." Levi continued to blame himself, causing you to feel perturbed over the accusations against himself. You grabbed his shoulders and lifted his upper body up to look at you clearly.
  "Stop talking like that. It wasn't your fault. People die every single day, Levi. Sure, you were lost in anger and only wanted to fulfill the mission, but you just got through saying they meant everything to you. If it were your fault, you would've known it was going to happen the entire time." You ranted, seeing that Levi was taking in all your words, almost as if he had been waiting for someone to grab hold of him and tell him everything that you were. You proceeded.
  "You didn't know, and whether it would've happened then or later, it was meant to happen. You learned from Erwin and became an amazing soldier because of what happened. What he said wouldn't have been said unless that happened. If they would've survived, you would've attempted to kill Erwin and you either would've died or been put in prison for the rest of your life. It wasn't your damn fault and you need to believe that right now." Levi stared at you, shocked with your caring words. He didn't respond, but looked down and smiled slightly. You grabbed Levi again and held him against you. You wrapped your arms around him tightly. Levi slowly moved his arms up to hold you as well.