Her Not So Fairytale

14. Past and Present

My journey from airport to the hospital my mother had been admitted were all blur. However I managed to send a quick message to Adi in between. I realised what was actually happening only once I was directed by the receptionist to the ICU where mom was lying.

It was a difficult task to ask about her whereabouts. How can a daughter just waltz in like that and enquire about her mother whom she hadn't talked with in last 6 years, not seen in 9 years? How?

Somewhere I blame myself! Somewhere I blame them!

My parents!

I took the stairs to the fifth floor ,where the ICU was, to buy myself some time to collect my thoughts.

I was sure what lies ahead was not going to be pretty. Old wounds wound be reopened. New wounds would be made. Scars would be noticed more than ever. And maybe, just maybe I would start healing too.

As soon as the door to the ICU came in view, my steps faltered.

The world was going on around me but I was stuck.
I was stuck at the sight when my fifteen year old self bid farewell to my mother after the high school life.

I was stuck at the moment when my-eighteen-year-old self called her to announce that I was moving away. That I didn't want them to contact me.

I was stuck in those few moments when I hoped I could belong to a happy family by her side.

Nevertheless I was wrong then. I was naive then.

And I hoped with my very being that I was not repeating my mistake by stepping back into my past.

This was the first time I doubted my decision to visit my mother.

In these few hours I had thought about the past and all the burden that came with it. But didn't think about what would happen once I reached here. I couldn't bring myself to.

I hadn't seen her in so long. Was she conscious? Would she make through it?

I had no idea.

The only snippets I could remember from the phone call last night were,
"Mom is critical.....accident... Two weeks...Mumbai...Low chance"

Even in that frenzy state of mind I manged to note down the hospital she was admitted in.

And here I was standing a few feet away from her physically . Yet miles away in the heart.

I had no idea what she was going through and I wanted to. However hard I might act nonchalant I care.

I always did. I always will.

She's my mother after all.

There were people waiting outside the ICU, waiting to hear the whereabouts of their loved ones. I searched for any familiar faces outside.

And I saw one. The one who called me last night. My brother.

I took small steps in his direction. I had last seen him six years back. He tried to talk me out of my decision then. It happened in this very city, Mumbai.

He was disappointed at the end result of our talk but said he was proud of me to stand up for myself.

I regretted to lose in touch with him. But I feared he would force me to come back and decided to wait before contacting him.

I had planned a hundred scenarios in my head when we would meet next. But this was nothing of that sort.

He was hunched over. His Hair disheveled. Shoulders slumped. He looked defeated.