Them [bughead]

~Her~

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Archie said when Betty opened the door. She looked at him.
"It's fine." She had no interest in fighting and since Jughead had left her she really needed all the friends she could get. She was terrified of being alone.
"Can I come in?" She nodded and walked inside. She sat down on the couch and took her cup of tea. "I didn't see you in school today?" Archie said and Betty smiled slightly at him.
"I didn't sleep very well...so uhm mom let me stay home." She avoided telling him that she woke up screaming again. And that her mom came running to her side and sat by her for hours as she cried. She was afraid that she would never be able to sleep wihtout Jughead. The thought scared her more than the nightmares. She had to become more independant. No matter how many times she thought that to herself she always ended up wishing that he was there with her, or that he would lay in her bed when she woke up, or just simply wondering what he was doing.
"That sucks." Betty nodded. If only Archie knew how much it sucked. "Betty, can I ask you something?" Betty looked at him and nodded. "I don't mean to sound insensitive or anything, I just have been thinking about this a lot. But I don't understand." Betty studied her nails waiting for Archie to ask her whatever he wanted to ask. "Why didn't you attend Polly's funeral?" Betty dropped the cup of tea but didn't move. She just stared at Archie. "Oh shit, are you okay?" He rushed to her side and tried to help her but she just stared at him.
"Her what?" She whispered as she heard the door unlock. She turned her head to her mom who walked inside. "Her fucking what?" Betty yelled. Alice walked inside the living room and looked questioning at Betty and Archie and then at Betty's lap which was covered in tea.
"What are you talking about Betty, and what happened to you?" Betty totally ignored her questions.
"Polly had a funeral and you didn't invite me?" She yelled. "You fucking had a funeral for Polly without me? I can't believe you mom!" She rushed past her mom and grabbed her mother's car keys. She started to drive, without knowing where she was going.

Without noticing it she had called Jughead. But without an answer. She called once again, this time he declined her call. She texted him while her tears filled her cheeks and made her already soaked pants even wetter. She screamed over and over again in an attempt to make her feelings make sense, or to make them disappear.
I know you hate me, just please call me, I need you.
She sent the text hoping he would answer, even though she was sure he wouldn't. She stared at the road as she waited for any sign from him that he had seen the text. When he called she pulled over and stopped the car.
"Juggie?" She said with a hoarse voice.
"Betts? Are you okay?" He sounded so worried and she bursted into tears once again. She cried so loudly and felt so ashamed. "What did Alice do?" If the situation was different Betty would laugh at the fact that Jughead knew that Alice was the reason to her tears. She hated herself for being such a weak person that she called a guy who just used her to prove something to his friends.
"I'm sorry for calling you, I really shouldn't have. I know you hate me." She cried. Jughead sighed.
"I...I don't hate you Betty." He whispered and she sobbed.
"Yes, yes you do. You told me at the bar, remember?" Jughead took a deep breath and went silent for a few seconds.
"I lied." He said and Betty cried even louder. "But that doesn't matter right now. Tell me what happened." He demanded and she nodded.
"Apparently..." She sobbed a little before she kept talking. "apparently my mom held a funeral for Polly."
"How is that something bad...wait...oh my fucking god that motherfucker didn't invite you?" Betty laughed through her tears as she heard Jughead's harsh words. If she had to be honest she didn't know why she was laughing. The whole situation was just so absurd.
"No..." She stopped for a second to think. "no she didn't."
"Why not?" Jughead asked.
"I don't know. I ran away before I could ask her." She said. "I don't think I can do this anymore Jughead." She whispered. The words filled Jughead with even more worry and he cursed himself out for going to Greendale and for hurting her. "I don't think..." She said but stopped to sob. "that I want to do this anymore." He felt panic as he heard the words from his beloved.
"Where are you" Jughead softly ask. She sighed heavily and looked around.
"On the road that eventually goes to Greendale. And I refuse to go home and my pants are soaked. I know it's a lot to ask..." She took a deep breath and regretted that she even began the sentence.
"To ask what?" Jughead said but Betty kept quiet. "Tell me." He once again demanded. She didn't want to sound desperate but after all she really was desperate.
"To ask if I could sleep at yours." She sighed.
"I'm not home Betty." The thought of him staying over at someone else's hurt her and she figured he was at some girl's place.
"You know what? I'm sorry that I called and bothered you. Have a nice day." She said and hung up. "Fuck!" She yelled and banged her head against the steering wheel. Her phone rang once again and when she saw Jughead's name she started to cry even more. Everything just hurt and it never seemed to end. And everything seemed to be falling apart. There was no way in hell she would keep living when all the people she loved the most hated her. She looked outside and sighed. She didn't want to exist anymore. She was so done with living.

The next time she was aware of anything she had a bottle of scotch in her hand. She took a sip of it and judging by the fact that everything was spinning she assumed this wasn't her first sip. And she knew it wouldn't be her last. When she looked outside she figured it was raining. The windows of the car was filled with drops of water and she followed their path towards the ground. When she looked at her phone she saw that she had three missed calls from Jughead and two missed calls from Veronica. She sighed and read the two texts from Jughead.

Pick up the phone

Stay where you are, I'll come get you.

She shook her head as she tried to reply to Jughead. But the letters didn't make sense. And neither did the text she sent.

I'm fone Jugbug, I'll mansge whikw you're out fucking somonewq elsw

The second she sent it her phone rang and she stared at the screen.
"Jugbug, sssstop calling me." She slurred.
"Are you drunk?" Jughead asked and she giggled.
"Uh-huh but I don't have any idea how I got drunk." Jughead sighed deeply and Betty felt her happy mood disappear.
"Betts..."
"Why do you care?" She said and cut him off. "You just fucked me for no reason other than to prove a point. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? I fell in love with you Jugbug." Betty said and she felt tears run down her face.
"Betts...I..." He was just about to tell her that it was all a lie before she once again cut him off.
"No Jugbug. I don't want an explanation. I want you to leave me alone. I never want to see oyu again. I hate you." Jughead felt as if someone had stabbed him with a knife in the heart.
"I'm sorry Betty. I never meant to hurt you." He said.
"But you did." She sobbed.
"I know."
"Goodbye Jug." She whispered as she hung up the phone. She drank every last drop of the scotch and stared outside.

Without knowing what she was doing she got out of the car and wandered slowly to the ditch. She laid down in the high, wet, green grass. She was ready now, she was ready to die. To disappear and never ever come back. She was ready to never see another sunrise, to never read another book, to never feel Jughead's arms around her, to fall asleep and never wake up. She felt ready.

She thought about Jughead and how her sister waited for her. And she felt like she was on her way. For the first time in what felt like forever she felt at peace. She hoped that she was going to die, that whatever she was feeling in that moment, was her death approaching. She embraced every thought she had. She felt ready

She thought about the first time she had met Jughead. How extremely handsome he had been. How nice he had been to her even though he was a complete jackass to Archie. How he had cared about her. How she, almost immediataley, felt calm when he entered the room. How she knew that there was something about him that made her feel safe. She relived that entire moment when they stared into each other's eyes. And then she thought of how he had hurt her just a few days ago. How he had completely ruined her. She felt ready.

She closed her eyes, hoping it was once and for all. Hoping she would never wake up again. That this was it. That she would die in this ditch. She felt ready.

She felt ready.