Maze Runner Imagines [DISCONTINUED]

11. If Only Pt. 3 - Newt

^^^Newt's Song "Flares" by The Script^^^

——————————-

After a few moments, he took a deep breath and finally looked up to meet your eyes.

"I watched myself try to do it again, Y/N," he lowered his voice. "In the dream, I felt the same rush of emotions from that day—it was horrible. But I thought it'd be better that way."

You were immediately saddened by his confession. "Why do you think you felt that way?" However, that didn't come out like you wanted so you immediately tried to explain. "I'm not saying you didn't have a reason—I just think maybe taking time to evaluate all you thoughts since then is a good start for healing."

Newt frowned and actually took some silent minutes to ponder over your question. "The creators took everything from me. My past, the memories, every buggin' thing about my life. It was only fair to cause them a loss so that they couldn't use me anymore." He had a blank look on his face, and you didn't know how to respond. His argument was fair, but it was still just so wrong.

"We don't know much about them, Newt," you began, "but their level of control is pretty obvious—we don't know if us dying could be contributing to their research, and I'm glad it didn't happen with you to find out."

"I guess," he said simply.

"What else happened in the dream?"

Newt took really long pauses, and it helped you prepare for the storm you knew was coming. "The jump was high enough to kill—I was ready. I thought about the first shank that lost his life—the look of absolute terror on his face seconds before. Then the first to get stung and go through the changing. Those shanks aren't suffering anymore, but I witnessed all their deaths, Y/N. I had to deal with that, on top of lying to everyone, telling them things would be okay. A beetle blade looked at me, and I remember screaming at it, cursing every bloody thing I could think of. It was suffocating. And I hate when people see me cry, but I didn't care then—I wanted them to see what they did to me... if by any chance, there was the slightest bit of remorse on their faces even if I couldn't see them."

You were wordless, eyes stinging as they brimmed with tears. Newt's story was shockingly heartbreaking. You couldn't help but fuel your rage at the creators on his behalf. He went through hell, literally.

There was so much you didn't know about him, but he seemed so innocent, so pure, and strong—despite everything he witnessed. It was paradoxical; like fire and water.

Newt had paused while you dwelled on your thoughts, but your attention was drawn back at the sound of his husky accented voice.

"What came after was worse. It even kept my mind off the physical pain. I survived," he emphasized. You tilted your head to the side, not sure how survival was worse, but your heart sank when he said it either way. "I was helpless, knowing my life was a waste but that I wasn't even allowed to end it."

You desperately started wiping away the tears that kept falling unabashedly. The more he talked, the more you ached for him.

"You stopped it," he blurted out. When you didn't give him any indications of understanding what he meant, he added, "The dream—you stopped me from seeing that all over again."

"How?" Your voice was grossly croaky from the crying.

"I would've woken up to that dream and ran straight back into the Maze to make sure I'd get the job done—throw myself to the buggin' Grievers if necessary, but I would've wanted it to end instead of reliving the nightmare anytime I closed my eyes." He actually closed his eyes momentarily, before asking with a brittle voice and pain-stricken eyes, "Does that make me selfish?"