Aight buckle the fuck up whoever's reading this because this story is gonna be really complicated and long and ooofff. So, I started in a new school where all the students were new and stuff and didn't know each other about three, maybe four months ago, and I met this guy lets call him Ribs (idk why im weird like that). We became friends and I kinda had a small crush on him not that big then my feelings went away pretty quickly, and we're still friends now we still talk a lot. I suffer a lot from anxiety and get a lot of panic attacks and they've been getting worse and worse recently I think it's because I realized that I'm not actually the person I thought I was and Ribs can't really offer that much support for me. One day I had a presentation in class and was about to vomit from my panic but this other guy in my class let's call him Mustard (maybe I'm hungry tf) so Mustard started telling me to calm down and that everything was gonna go fine he was like helping me breathe properly and I was like oh that's nice of him kinda unexpected bc he doesn't look like that kind of guy. But anyways I had the presentation and he was just giving me thumbs up and smiling at me the whole time and after it he said that I was amazing. I didn't think that much about it but like the next day I had another presentation in another subject and I couldn't stay in the class so I went out and started having a panic attack. Immediately after that, I went back and saw Mustard waiting outside. We started talking and I told him how shit I felt about this and said that I hate my voice bc I sound like I'm gonna cry and he was like what? I've never noticed that ur presentations are always great. Then he asked me about my anxiety and I told him and he told me about his panic attacks and anxiety too.
Maybe it's because of my anxiety that I started to think I liked him, but I couldn't really stop thinking about Mustard after that. Then one day, I really needed to talk to someone so I posted on my story that I needed to vent and he was like u can talk to me anytime. So I hit him up and went really deep into my issues and he started telling me about how his girlfriend had left him he started having really bad panic attacks and maybe it was to make me feel better but he offered a lot of support asked me to call him whenever and said that it made him so pissed to see me (a nice person, apparently) suffering so much. I just felt like he really really really got me. Anyways, I told one of my friends about him lets call this friend Khara so I told Khara and Khara knew about how I had a crush on Ribs and he said AND I FUCKING QUOTE "I feel like you're using guys like tools" just because my feelings went away it's not like I can control them. Khara and I haven't been on such good terms recently because idk what's up with him he's just been so annoying and judgmental and MANSPLAINS EVERYTHING but back to Mustard. So I had another panic attack a really really bad one in class the other day and had to leave and after that Mustard asked me how I was doing I was super cold and rude to him because that's what happens after that shit my mind just shuts people out and I felt bad about it the next day so I apologized to him. Then I was sitting on the floor with my friend when he came up to me and sat down beside me we started talking and he asked me if I believe in star signs like horoscopes. And I. Like a fucking idiot. Blurted NOPE BECAUSE ITS COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
and he said oh. okay. But then we kept talking and he very subtly asked me if I wanted to get pizza he kind of just said it like he didn't really need to ask me it as a question idk how he phrased. I said sure and we picked a time. But then my anxiety started fucking up and it made me overthink it until I bailed and he was like oh okay so I prolly just made him think I hate him when I really really dont fuck idk what to do bc I wanna talk with him a lot more but idk how and i need to deal with Khara too should I drop them or what? Fuckkkk please I need advice.
