More Than Business

Chapter 112

"You understand that the deaths in your family were just extremely coincidental? Its not like a plague that you carry." she assured me.

"Thats the thing.. I know that, I know- I know that. But its just that a part of me died back then, and thats the darkness that I carry with me. And thats the darkness I spend every second of every day trying to suppress, trying to avoid." I explained.

"But you knew this, you've had the bad episodes before. And yet you never agreed to see me before. So I'm unclear as to what changed."

"I thought I could control it. I thought if I worked so much and took care of everyone in my life, and kept everyone happy... I wouldn't have time for breakdowns and episodes. I thought I could override it." I admitted. I explained the same story of me wanting my babygirl to her as I told Ali the night before, I told her that me realizing that me being ill like this could ruin everything was why I knew I needed to get better more than anything.

"Well Ms. Maraj, that was step 1." She smiled at me.

"What?"

"Recognizing the root of the problem and finding one goal or one person besides yourself accountable to getting better." She winked.

I smiled back at her, "W-well that wasn't so bad.."

"Now, you recently changed romantic partners correct?"

"Uh yes.. correct."

"How's the new relationship in comparison to the old one?"

"Well, for starters he's a man." I shrugged, "But um.. I guess we fight, a lot."

"You didn't fight with your ex?"

"Lydia and I.. no, we just talked calmly about everything. But most times since we are so emotionally connected we never even had to say anything to each other. We already knew how the other would react to whatever we did and we just avoided upsetting each other."

"How was she when it came to your episodes?"

"A God-sent. She still is, she is the only person who can bring me out of the dark place.. Except that it literally takes everything out of her and she ends up unconscious for a while afterwards." I explained. "Aubrey tries, he really wants the relationship Lydia and I have or had."

"What do you fight about?"

"Usually... Lydia." I shrugged.

"What about her?"

"She does things and says things that piss him off. He distrusts us. He likes her honestly, sometimes the pettiest things will set him off and its simply because he has the slightest crush on her." I sat on the couch again.

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"I will never stop having feelings for her." I confessed, "But, that doesn't change the fact that I am madly in love with Aubrey. So Lydia and I would never do anything stupid that would jeopardize my current relationship."

"How's your sex life?"

"In what sense?"

"You and Aubrey.. how often do you have sex?"

"Uh.. it depends, we have weeks where we are having sex nearly everyday if not several times per day. Then there's times we're doing it maybe once or twice a week." I shrugged.

"You don't seem animate about that."

"Its complicated."

"How so?"

"I-I have a higher sex drive than him. But there's something else, that only Lydia knows."

"Do you feel comfortable telling me?"